


Expanding Radius

by Ana_Khouri



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Alicia/Kalinda is unrequited, Alicia/Peter is cannon only, F/F, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:59:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_Khouri/pseuds/Ana_Khouri
Summary: Maddie befriended Alicia and then declared her intentions to run against her husband.  Bad timing or betrayal?  And why can’t either of them just accept that they really shouldn’t have anything to do with each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written after Season 4 Ep15 (with bit of eps embedded) but it goes a bit AU from there... Originally posted on LJ - since I got my Ao3 account I decided to start moving my stuff to one place. Hope others enjoy reading this as much as I loved re-watching the scenes, writing and re-reading this…. (The cannon stuff for these two might not be vast but it is awesome.)

Alicia waited at the top of the stairs for Maddie Hayward to arrive. She checked her watch; she had exactly 20 minutes before she had to be back in court. She put her arm down and sighed before hearing footsteps on the stairs. She waited patiently as they made it to the top, two men already in conversation and a somewhat casually dressed woman she instantly recognised as Maddie Hayward. 

Maddie greeted her warmly, "Mrs Florrick."

"Ms Hayward," Alicia replied. 

"Maddie," she corrected, "Or Mz Hayward, I don't mind being objectified," she added lightly with a smile that seemed out of place.

Alicia smiled politely while trying to assess if she should believe the words or the tone, briefly wondering if she should apologise, but Maddie had moved on. 

"So we're here to renegotiate your firm's lease?" Maddie asked as they walked through the empty office. 

"Yes," Alicia agreed before breaking down the issues facing Lockhart/Gardner and their plan to re-emerge from the current financial pressure. 

Alicia was mid-sentence when Maddie stopped and turned toward Alicia, "How long have you worked at Lockhart/Gardner?" she asked out of the blue. 

"How long?" Alicia repeated, thrown off by the seemingly unconnected question, "Four years, this is my fourth."

"And you like it," Maddie followed up. 

"I do," Alicia affirmed, trying to figure out how this would play into her proposal. 

Maddie nodded and continued walking. When Alicia fell in step Maddie spoke again.

"Do a lot of people ask you about sticking by your husband?"

This Alicia had been expecting, this she was used to. 

"They do... they did, it's died down a bit," she replied easily. 

"Well he's running again so it will probably start up again," Maddie countered. 

"I think you're right," Alicia agreed. 

"Do these questions make you uncomfortable?" Maddie asked, bringing them to a stop once again, her hands held in a triangle before her. 

Alicia shook her head, "No," she replied confidently. 

The two men from earlier walked by and the silent one smiled at Maddie. 

"That's my driver," she confessed, "I bring him along, they think he's the buyer and I get some time alone."

Alicia smiled, it was smart.

"So, are you campaigning with your husband?" Maddie continued without segue.

"Yes," Alicia affirmed. 

"And you agree with him politically?"

"Enough," Alicia replied after the slightest pause. 

"I can't find five people in the world I agree with politically."

Maddie smiled and Alicia found herself following suit. She remembered the documents in her hands and produced them for Maddie, trying to get back on track. 

"So, will you have a look at our proposal?"

"Do you have to head off?" Maddie asked, her eyes suddenly sad and Alicia realised that the awkward questioning might've been more personal than political.

"I came right from court, lunch break," Alicia replied as Maddie took the documents. 

"Ok," she demurred, looking down at the documents without interest, "Well leave this with me and if I have any questions..." Maddie began, the entire tenor of her voice changing to resignation.

"My number is right there," Alicia pointed on the business card paper-clipped to the front of the papers. 

"Cell phone number?" Maddie asked, her eyes meeting Alicia's again. 

"Yes," Alicia confirmed. 

Maddie's lips pulled up in the hint of a smile as she nodded and pulled the documents towards her. 

They stood their in awkward silence for a moment before Alicia realised she had been implicitly dismissed. She voiced a polite 'bye,' before turning from Maddie and heading back down the stairs. 

* * * 

Maddie watched Alicia leave. She had always wondered about the type of woman would support a man who had betrayed her and caused her very public embarrassment. She had always assumed it had been driven by weakness but the article she had read showed a strength that she didn't think could be true to form. It had been a self-indulgent test, getting Alicia to visit, finding the means to meet her, and the results had proved beyond assumption. Alicia was confident, self-sufficient, smart and determined. More than that, she felt an odd connection to her, kindred, sympatico, as if she was already a friend she didn't know yet. It was a surreal experience she wasn't sure she wanted to repeat... and yet... 

Maddie sighed, putting the paperwork under her arm as she pushed the thought from her mind and went off in search of her driver. 

* * *  
A few days later Eli stopped Alicia in the hallway of Lockhart/Gardner to thank her for sending Maddie to them. When Alicia asked him to clarify Eli explained that Maddie was supporting Peter's campaign because of her and after thanking her again he continued his transit, leaving Alicia looking after him with incomprehension painted on her face. She was trying to imagine what she had done when the firm trustee walked up to her, pulling her away from her train of thought. 

* * *  
Alicia was standing outside the courtroom when she heard her name. She turned and saw Maddie approaching her.

"I'm not stalking you I promise," Maddie insisted, "I had to meet a Judge here, Kate Conroy, do you know her?"

"I don't," Alicia responded. 

"Well I'm backing her for Illinois appellate court but I knew that you had a case so while I was here I thought I would..."

"Eli told me you are backing Peter?" Alicia cut off, sensing Maddie's words trail off. 

"Yes," Maddie replied, her suddenly serious demeanour at odds with the boundless energy she had moments before.

Alicia smiled broadly, "I don't know what to say, thank you. I hope you didn't think that I was..."

"No not at all," Maddie cut off with a swipe of her hand, "No... I... I was impressed," she assured her. "Speaking of which.. and this is a little bit awkward so I'm just going to say it," she continued looking around nervously before meeting Alicia's face, "would you like to have a drink sometime?"

Alicia paused, trying to ensure she had heard correctly, but surely Maddie’s nervousness could only mean one thing? 

"Maddie, I'm flattered really.. I just.. I'm married."

"Oh.... I wasn't hitting on you... oh no," Maddie looked at the ground, pulled her hair behind her ears in a nervous gesture before clearing her throat and continuing, "Well now it's really awkward.." she continued.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Alicia backtracked, trying to make sense of her confusion - why would she assume? "I just misunderstood, this day it's just been one thing after another," she tried to explain. 

"Don't worry about it...look..umm..." Maddie paused, trying to find the words, "the thing is I don't have many friends Alicia. There I said it. Sometimes it is hard to know if one wants to be your friend or if they want something from you."

"I can imagine," Alicia sympathised, nodding. 

"So, I'll say it again, would you like to have a drink sometime?" she repeated, her confidence returning. 

Alicia laughed, her eyes scanning the hallway before Maddie spoke again. 

"What's so funny?" Maddie asked, a smile across her face.

"I just don't remember the last time someone just approached me for a drink," Alicia clarified, "And I would be delighted, how's that?" 

"Good, good. We're talking like normal human beings," Maddie replied, her cheeks turning red as she laughed, "How about tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good," Alicia replied, her smile broadening as she nodded in an implicit farewell.

"Looking forward," Maddie replied as Alicia made her way back to the courtroom. 

* * * 

Maddie watched Alicia walk down the hallway towards her courtroom as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves fluttering in her chest and wondering why, when she could face down statesmen and money hungry executives, it was a fourth year associate making her so nervous. Alicia opened the door to her courtroom and was gone. 

* * * 

Alicia was called in to Diane's office later that day. Maddie had refused their renegotiation proposal. 

"But she is giving to your husband's campaign," Diane continued. 

Alicia tried to assure Diane that she had in no way solicited Maddie and while Diane eventually nodded and dismissed her it was obvious that Diane was quite upset by the turn of events. 

Alicia wondered, not for the first time, what she had done to convince Maddie to donate. It was even more odd in the light of her refusal to help Lockhart/Gardner. She sighed, thankful, at least, that she would only have to cover one political angle when they went out for drinks. 

* * *  
Alicia entered the busy bar the following night and scanned the room for Maddie, finding her on one of the bar stools. She made her way through the room to the stool beside Maddie.

"Alicia," Maddie welcomed, signalling the bartender. 

"Hi Maddie," Alicia replied as she sat beside her. 

"Gin and tonic," Maddie ordered as the bartender came over to them, before looking over at Alicia. 

"Same," Alicia ordered before looking somewhat sheepishly over at Maddie, suddenly realising that they had such a tenuous connection to each other that this couldn't help but become horribly awkward. 

"So here we are," Maddie said, reinforcing Alicia's thoughts. 

Alicia nodded, glancing over to see how fast the bartender was making their drinks. 

"I don't do this very often so I'm not sure... what the expectations are," Maddie fumbled nervously. 

Alicia smiled broadly, "Surely you've been out for drinks before?" Alicia asked, the laughter in her voice unavoidable. 

The bartender came back with their drinks and the women took them appreciatively.

"To new friendships," Maddie toasted, clinking Alicia's glass before taking a sip. "To answer your question though, not really. I've been out for drinks with work prospects, on dates, back in high school, but there was always some objective - something I could string the conversation around, money, sex..." she gestured with her hands as if to say 'etc'.

"Hum," Alicia muttered, sipping her drink before putting it down again, "And now you have no objective," Alicia clarified earnestly. 

"Exactly," Maddie beamed, happy Alicia understood, "So I'm not sure what to talk about," she added.

Alicia nodded, "Well generally I'd see how your day went and you'd see how mine went and we'd go from there," she said, her serious tenor undermined by the hint of a smile crossing her lips.

"Sounds reasonable," Maddie agreed, mimicking Alicia's mock seriousness. 

"So how was your day?" Alicia asked, her attempt to remain serious failing as her mouth broke into a wide grin, the alcohol affecting her quicker than she thought. She looked down and realised her drink was almost empty. 

Maddie laughed with her, ordering them both a second drink. 

* * *  
Alicia closed the door to her apartment, it had been a strange evening. In addition to Maddie being an odd combination of strong, smart and commanding on one hand and very unsure on the other, Alicia had, of her own volition, pushed forward Eli's propaganda about the scandal around Peter being untrue. She had tried to justify it but it fell flat and the evening had ended a bit more somber than the previous hours had been. She had enjoyed herself, of that she had no doubt. Maddie was compelling, quick witted and intelligent and it felt good to finally be around someone who wasn't connected to work politics. An evening that was just for her. And except for a few hiccups it had been easy conversation. They had made another drink date for the following week and Alicia found that she was already looking forward to it. There was something about Maddie that made Alicia want to be around her. She pushed the half-formed though out of her mind - it didn't matter right now. Right now she needed to sleep. She changed, slipped into bed and willed herself to sleep as fragments of the night drifted in and out of her consciousness. 

* * * 

Alicia sat in Lamont Bishop's house, watching him say good bye to his son, listening to Maddie Hayward pull her support of Peter because of a false story and then ask to remain friends. This little boy was going to loose his father and all Maddie could think about was how a fake story was making her look.

"...I think you and I are sympatico. Is that possible? Staying friends?" Maddie's voice asked through Alicia's phone. 

"Sure," Alicia replied, the dull edge to her voice relaying her displeasure. 

"Well, I'd like to try," Maddie replied. 

She continued but Alicia didn't bother to listen, barely catching the 'Good night' before she hung up the phone. 

* * * 

Maddie waited in Alicia's office, the nerves in her stomach jumping the moment she saw Alicia round the corner through the glass wall. She gave a thin smile as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. 

* * * 

Alicia hadn't been purposely avoiding Maddie but she hadn't gone out of her way to speak to her either, the thought of Maddie's self-importance leaving a bad taste in her mouth. Which is why she was surprised, but not overly so, to find Maddie standing in her office as she came back from a case review, files loaded in her arms. 

She froze when she saw her, taking a moment before entering tentatively, watching Maddie's expressions shuttle between degrees of nervousness. 

Cary, who Alicia hadn't initially noticed, excused himself. 

"Hi," Maddie offered when Cary had exited the room, her tenor clear but edged with an apologetic softness. 

"Hi Maddie," Alicia replied, keeping her tone even. 

"I tried to see you earlier but you're busy."

"We're fine Maddie," Alicia stated flatly, walking past Maddie and putting the files in her arms on her desk, "We are. You're not giving money to my husband. It's okay."

"No..umm... It's just..." Maddie began, searching for the words. Alicia watched her carefully as she lowered her head for a moment to reorient herself. "It's just that I wanted to warn you before I announce," Maddie stated. 

"Announce...what?" Alicia asked, none of the answers she was coming up with made sense. 

"My candidacy," Maddie replied, "I'm running against your husband."

Alicia faded out of the conversation for a moment, her mind whirring with the repercussions. 

"...I thought your husband could represent our interests but with this latest story..I know you say its a lie but women have always.."

"Maddie," Alicia cut off, "You don't need to explain anything," she said seating herself at her desk, the words forced from her lips by rote as her insides screamed against the betrayal she had no right to feel so acutely. 

"I know," Maddie replied, a pleading in her voice, "But I want you to understand."

"I understand," Alicia replied, forcing a smile, "and you don't have to explain anything."

Maddie sat down opposite her with a loud exhale, her eyes connecting with Alicia's, trying to force their way past the shield Alicia had erected.

"Ok," Maddie replied resignedly, "Maybe we can still talk," she offered. 

"Sure, whenever you want," Alicia replied, the lack of emotion behind the words causing them to echo with their real meaning. 

Maddie's face contorted in apology, "I'm sorry Alicia, the issues are too important to delay."

"And you have the money to run," Alicia pointed out. 

"It's not personal," Maddie insisted, trying to hold Alicia's eyes. 

"Yep," Alicia replied, her anger leaking through despite her attempt to control it, "Just business."

Maddie opened her mouth to say something before thinking better of it, picking up her things and leaving Alicia's office. 

Alicia watched her go, thinking of everything that had passed between them and realising that she knew things that she could now use against her husband. She picked up her pocketbook and went straight to Peter's campaign headquarters. 

* * *  
Maddie had given Alicia a week before leaving a message on her voicemail asking how she was. Alicia shook her head as she listened to it, her annoyance fuelled by the fact that the betrayal still stung. She deleted it, and the numerous others left in the following weeks, and tried to forget about their short-lived friendship. But as much as she tried to get over it, the pain lingered, it's tenacity unmatched by the length of their acquaintance. 

Alicia had been ignoring Maddie's phone calls for over three weeks when she walked in to her office to find Maddie sitting opposite her desk in the otherwise empty office. Maddie looked up and turned as Alicia entered. 

"Hi Alicia," she enunciated carefully, rising from the seat and taking a step towards Alicia, inadvertently hampering the path to her desk. 

Alicia remained standing on the inside of the doorway for a moment, lips pressed in an even line. 

"Maddie, what are you doing here?" Alicia asked firmly, as she brushed past the other woman to stand behind her desk, moving the files on her desk automatically. 

"Drinks. I thought we should do drinks," Maddie replied, slightly flustered.

Alicia's phone rang. She sifted through her pocketbook, pulling it out and answering it without re-acknowledging Maddie's presence. 

"Alicia Florrick."

It was Kalinda.

"Hi Kalinda, I know I'm late for our drinks," she said pointedly before Kalinda could say anything, hoping her friend would follow along. "I will be down in a few and we can discuss it then," Alicia instructed, hanging up once Kalinda assented. 

"Sorry Maddie," Alicia replied unapologetically, pocketing her phone back in her purse.

"You already have plans," Maddie finished, standing and pulling her purse strap over her arm. 

Alicia nodded, coming out from behind her desk. 

Maddie took a step before pausing in front of Alicia, "I know it might look otherwise but I did not seek your friendship just to get information on your husband," she said sombrely. "I will not intentionally betray your confidence Alicia," she stated firmly, about to reach out for her, make the statement tangible, before she thought better of it and withdrew her hand, "I hope you can believe me."

"I hope I can to," Alicia replied, a trace of sadness in her otherwise stern response as she gestured to the door.

Maddie took her cue and bowed out of the office, her hand resting on the edge of the door as she stuck her head back around, "If you ever want to have drinks give me a ring, otherwise I will leave you alone," Maddie stated, "But I do hope we can still be friends." 

"I doubt it Maddie but thank you," Alicia replied politely, her lips pressed in an unemotive line as Maddie nodded her head and left the office. 

Alicia watched Maddie through the glass walls with a mixture of relief and sadness as she made her way up the stairs to the elevators that would bring her back to her own floor. 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Alicia knocked back her first shot as soon as it was free of the bartender's hands. Kalinda looked at her with surprise edging her features before she broached the obvious question. 

"So who are you avoiding?" Kalinda asked, a hint of playful sarcasm in her voice before she downed her own shot.

Alicia looked at Kalinda for a moment before responding, gulping down the liquid that burned in her throat.

"Maddie Hayward," she replied pointedly before turning from Kalinda and gesturing to the barkeep for another. 

"What did she want?" Kalinda asked evenly, watching Alicia's face as her usual stern facade loosened and allowed some emotions to play across her brow. Confusion. Reticence. 

"To go for drinks," Alicia responded factually. 

"What did she really want?" Kalinda asked, swirling her now empty glass.

"To be friends I guess," Alicia replied, surprised at the truth of her statement. She had been so absorbed in her own anger that she hadn't even considered the possibility that Maddie was being truthful. Her brows furrowing as she nursed her second shot. 

Kalinda watched as Alicia's gaze grew inward. 

"And you don't want to be friends," Kalinda prompted, purposely obtuse as she watched Alicia's reaction. 

Alicia turned toward Kalinda, almost squinting as she tried to find the right words.

"I don't know if I can trust her, and even if I could, I don't..." she hesitated before continuing, "have a great track record with friends," she finished carefully. In any other tone in would've been a barb but Alicia said with a sadness that was almost touching.

Kalinda swallowed the pain Alicia's comment caused, knowing that the betrayal, while unintentional, had been real. 

"Well she became your 'friend', had drinks with you in which you discussed Peter and is now running for public office against him," Kalinda pointed out, "Seems you got the betrayal over right away," she joked, ordering another for herself and instantly throwing it back before focusing again on Alicia who was still trying to find the right response. 

"I could look into her if you want," Kalinda offered, trying to fill the silence that had started to feel too pregnant with hurt. 

"I don't think that can answer the questions I have," Alicia responded, tracing her finger absently around the rim of her shot. 

"That isn't a response," Kalinda replied, raising her eyebrows.

Alicia smiled wordlessly at her friend and Kalinda instantly brightened. 

"Thank you Kalinda but I don't think that will help," she rephrased, taking another sip of her shot and absently looking at her watch.

When she saw the time she downed the rest of it, rustling for some cash before she slid herself off the bar stool. 

"I have to pick Grace up, " she explained as she gathered up her things and threw on her jacket. 

Kalinda nodded quietly. 

"Thank you for the information for tomorrow," she offered as she turned to go, making it two steps before Kalinda called after her. 

Alicia turned and took a step back so only a pace separated her from Kalinda.

"Don't deny yourself friendship just because you have been let down in the past," Kalinda uttered, wondering why she had let herself say such touching drivel so loudly. But Alicia did that to her, made her expose herself. "Not that I trust her," she qualified.

"You don't trust anyone," Alicia responded.

Kalinda paused for a moment, catching Alicia's eyes in a pointed moment as if to say, 'But you,' before she nodded to the general truth of the statement. "And if she betrays you she will wish the election was the only thing she had to lose," Kalinda added icily, wondering if it would cover up the tenor of her earlier statement. 

Alicia nodded and smiled, an honest but tired smile, and Kalinda forgot about analysing what she had said, allowing a smile to spread across her face. 

"Thank you Kalinda," Alicia replied, leaning forward to quickly clasp the hand resting in Kalinda's lap. 

Kalinda nodded as Alicia's hand withdrew, a tight-lipped smile giving nothing away by reflex and she watched Alicia exit the bar and hail a taxi on the street. 

* * * 

Maddie sat in her office reviewing the recent polling data. She was still loosing to Peter Florrick but the gap was closing. Although she hadn't cultivated Alicia's friendship with darker motives, it had been helping her in ways she hadn't anticipated and she couldn't deny that Alicia's continued friendship could give her a significant edge. Yet part of her was glad that Alicia seemed intent to reject any offer Maddie made, it saved her from further betraying the one person she really wanted to be completely honest with for reasons that still eluded her. And yet, if she could nurture that friendship back into existence... 

She sighed, closing her laptop and wishing that at least one relationship of hers could remain untainted by overarching motives. She had hoped Alicia could be that person but she was now in a game larger than herself. If she were able to make Alicia talk to her again would she use that to beat Peter and improve Illinois? She wasn't sure if she knew the answer to that and was again thankful that Alicia seemed intent on never allowing her the choice. 

* * * 

Alicia lie awake in bed, wondering why out of all the things happening in her life right now, that it was thoughts of Maddie Hayward keeping her from sleeping. Part of her was still bitter about all that had occurred but as the anger began to ebb she realised that she honestly believed that Maddie hadn't been up to anything underhanded. And yet the, albeit circumstantial, evidence made it seem rather unlikely that she had befriended Alicia with any other purpose. 

According to information Kalinda had collected for Peter's campaign Maddie met with Indira Star both before and after evidence had come out exonerating Peter of any wrongdoing. But was that Maddie's scheming or Indira's? Maddie's feminist card was easy enough to play upon and Indira may have been able to sway Maddie knowing, as a donor, that having her on Indira's side would be a big win. If it had all been an elaborate game why donate to Peter at all, unless Maddie thought it was the only way of gaining Alicia's trust? What did Alicia's trust get her now? 

Alicia remembered Maddie's face when Maddie had asked her out for drinks, the awkwardness of her phrasing, even before Alicia thought she was hitting on her, and the loneliness in her voice. Surely it couldn't have all been a lie? 

She thought about the time Maddie sat before her in her office apologising for running against Peter. Her eyes filled with both apology but also a determination to do what she thought best. 

Remembering the episodes in succession made that fire more pronounced, surely she was doing this despite her desire to have just one friend who didn't want to be her friend for her money. 

Or maybe that was the way Alicia wanted to see it. 

But Maddie wanted to try again, which meant she was either honest or had the biggest balls of anyone Alicia had ever known. Alicia wasn't sure she could discount either. 

She rolled to her side and put her hand under her pillow, cursing her brain for not letting this go. She tried to focus on something, anything, eventually settling for the memory of her and Peter and their afternoon liaison on the campaign bus. But as she drifted off to sleep they weren't alone, Maddie was standing behind Peter, arguing with him for more debates as he tried to come inside her. 

* * * 

Alicia closed her office door, glad Cary wasn't around, and took a deep breath. After the sleepless night and the trying day at court all she wanted to do was curl up on her couch with a glass of wine and then go to bed. But tonight was the anniversary of the Women's Leadership Forum and so, instead, she had to hang on Peter's arm, smile and tell everyone what a wonderful Christian she was: it was Eli's most recently ploy and Alicia felt slightly guilty for her part in it. Eli had reminded her, on one of her less patient days, that Maddie had used their friendship to run against Peter and insisted upon knowing Maddie's religious viewpoint. Alicia had eventually admitted that Maddie was an atheist, which lead to Eli's most recent strategy of exposing Maddie and forcing Alicia to lie about her similar belief. Needless to say she wasn't looking forward to it but if there was one thing she had learned to do in the past few years it was smile and nod and hope it wouldn't last too long.

She took off her shoes, briefly massaging her feet before putting them back on, reapplying her lipstick and putting a brush through her hair. 

Just a few more hours. 

* * * 

Peter met her at the entrance of the building that held Lockhart/Gardner, thanked her for coming, and escorted her to the awaiting car. She slid in, feeling the leather cold against the top of her calves, and moved in further as Peter slid in beside her. 

"I really appreciate you coming," Peter repeated, folding his hands in his lap as they pulled away from the curb. 

"Of course," Alicia replied, turning to him with a thin-lipped smile and a nod before turning and absently watching the lights as they moved through late Chicago traffic. 

Peter nodded before looking out his own window. He turned away after a moment to look at Alicia, "So," he offered, "how was work?" he asked by way of conversation. 

Alicia turned to him politely, "It was fine," she replied with as much enthusiasm she could muster before turning back to the window. 

"That good eh?" Peter asked, recognising his wife's tone.

Alicia smiled in spite of herself. Sometimes Peter was a stranger, this man who whisked in and out of her life, borrowing the children or requesting a photo op, but sometimes he was her husband, the man who knew every nuance of her behaviour, the one who had shared her bed and helped her raise her children. It was this man part of her would always love. 

* * * 

She lost Peter as soon as they arrived but found the wine easily enough. She picked up a glass, drinking it down as Eli approached her, her aggravation tripling at the sight of him. 

"You look great Alicia, really," he commented. 

Alicia stared back without responding.

"Is everything okay?" he asked in response to her wordless glare.

"No, everything is fine," she replied, in a voice that clearly didn't convey it, "Just let me know when you want me to say I believe in God Eli," she finished before turning and leaving him at the table. 

Jordan caught up to her as she moved through the room and she rebuffed him as well, making a beeline for Maddie. 

"Hi Maddie."

"Alicia, it's been a long time."

"Yes it has," she replied before continuing, "You have any new friends?" she asked, knowing it would hurt and relishing the pain briefly reflected in Maddie's eyes. 

"Just so you know Alicia, I didn't break off our friendship, you did. And if you could let go of this victimhood pose that you're hanging on to.."

"You know what you can do with your victimhood..." Alicia cut in just as Peter arrived between them.

"Hey," he interjected, "There you are."

He made small talk with Maddie while Alicia forced a smile on her face. 

"Everything okay here?" he asked turning to Alicia.

"Just grand darling," she responded, refreshing her wine glass before she leaned in to his ear, "I would love to get you into the bathroom.." she started, desperate for anything to release this frustration and anger boiling within her.

But before she could finish her sentence they were interrupted. 

It was the plant Eli had arranged to ask Maddie about her atheism. But instead of having to drag it out of her she freely admitted that she was an atheist and that she was proud of who she was and would have to let the voters decide if that was a significant impediment to her being elected into office. 

The confidence with which she handled this potentially significant blow made Alicia second-guess herself and wish she had had the same self-pride when Eli had cornered her into lying about her own beliefs. 

The question moved to Peter and he responded with something leading but non-specific before the question came to her. There was a momentary fight between obeying what she had been sent to say and rebelling against everyone who was willing her to lie. 

"I am an atheist," she said, hearing the words before she realised she had decided. She winked at Eli as his face plummeted. "If you'll excuse me," she asked, leaving the interviewer with Peter, Maddie and Eli as she went back to the table, downing the glass in her hand and picking up another one. 

"Thank you," Maddie said as she came up behind Alicia. 

"I didn't do that for you," Alicia bit back. 

"I am not thanking you for me," she responded, looking pointedly at Alicia before excusing herself and continuing to make her way through the room. 

Alicia rolled her eyes at Maddie's back, hating her for being right. 

* * * 

The weeks wore on and Alicia's anger at Maddie and Eli paled. She was offered partnership, had it rescinded, beat Diane and Will in mock court, kissed Will in a moment of weakness and had partnership offered again and accepted, swallowing her pride for the countless time. 

Partnership wasn't as expected however and she found herself at odds with Cary and the other fourth years that had been her co-counsel on numerous cases. She had another uncomfortable conversation with Diane before she left to support Peter at the debate. It left her feeling both stressed and empowered. She would grow into this new role as she had everything else. It would come; she just needed to persevere. 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realised she had ended up on the wrong side of the stage until she heard Maddie's voice. 

"Wrong side," she said, "I believe your group will be watching from the other wing."

"Thank you," Alicia responded civilly, realising that despite everything she still couldn't hate Maddie, she honestly liked and respected her. A knot formed in her stomach as she realised part of her missed seeing Maddie around. 

"It's not going to work you know," Maddie added as Alicia turned to go.

"What's that?"

"Jordan sent you over here to unsettle me before the debate. It's not going to work," she repeated. 

The knot in her stomach tightened for a moment, was she capable of unsettling her?

She covered her nervousness with a brief laugh. 

"They are always wondering if men and women can be friends, but the real questions is, can women?" Alicia pointed out, a sadness in her voice she hadn't meant to convey. 

"I had hoped," Maddie replied before a stagehand came up and pulled her away to ready her for the debate, leaving Alicia to wonder if that had been all she meant to say. 

Alicia watched her go, trying to ignore the pain conveyed in her statement and the way it made the knot in her stomach grow tighter. 

* * * 

Alicia watched the debate from a screen on the side of the stage, occasionally turning and watching the real thing from the side view. After pussyfooting around for the first part of the debate Peter went after Maddie. Although it was what she was hoping for, seeing Maddie now, desperately trying to regain her standing, made her feel bad for wanting her to do poorly, but surely it was more important that her husband did well? 

Maddie caught her eye as she glanced backstage, trying to gain a foothold that would return her to good standing with the audience. Something ephemeral passed between them and Alicia nodded, her stomach clenching as the conflicting emotions within her made her nauseous. 

* * * 

Maddie swept the audience as she regained a small hold on the audience after Peter had ripped into her about her job losses. She tried to estimate numbers, and who she still had with her. Her eyes wandered backstage briefly and she caught Alicia's eye. Alicia nodded by way of recognition, her lips pressed together in a firm line. Maddie paused, took a sip of her water and cleared her throat, Alicia's presence only adding to her desire to excel, the nerves in her stomach flip flopping as she felt Alicia's gaze on her as she continued. By the end of the debate she was sweating with the heat of the lights and although she had taken a bit of a beating, Peter had also exposed more than a few flaws. It wasn't ideal but it was an outcome she could live with. 

* * * 

Alicia opened the door to her apartment with barely contained zeal. She slipped off her shoes as her arches instantly relaxed upon the hard floor. She slid off her jacket, put down her purse, and made her way to the kitchen to open a half-empty bottle of red wine. She poured herself a large glass before popping her head into her children's rooms and then making her way to the couch. She sat down, tucked her feet under her and took a sip of her glass, letting the flavour settle in her mouth before swallowing. The tension slid down her back as the wine flowed across her tongue and down her throat. She could hear the kids in the background, Zach chatting to Nisa and Grace typing on the laptop, and smiled, enjoying the singular moment of relative quiet, banishing all other thoughts from her mind. 

* * * 

Maddie stayed at the debate long after Peter had gone home, squeezing every last opportunity from those gathered. When she finally entered her empty house she felt nervous and tired in equal measure. It could have been worse. If it hadn't been for Peter's sudden rejuvenation at the end she would have had the debate easily. And yet she was exposed when it came to her own employment numbers. It wasn't what it sounded like but it didn't look good. 

She pulled off her heels, taking them up to her room. As she proceeded up the stairs she felt the silence, almost suffocating after the noise of the debate. She heard every echo magnified, the rustling of her pant leg, her heels tapping against a metal bit on the bag balanced on her arm, the clink of her rings against the banister. 

She hated the evenings when all the staff had gone home and there was nothing left but her and the silence. There was nothing to do but be alone. She had companions when she wanted, but the warm body in the house wasn't worth the fuck that left her cold when they disappeared into the night, leaving the house silent as ever. Usually she could concentrate on work, on her political contributions, her social mentoring, but tonight she was too tired and the silence rang loud in her ears and made her achievements seem small in proportion to the emptiness that surrounded her.

She entered her bedroom; the carpets making her world shrink into this one room, comforting, safe. She took off her clothes and put on the silk two piece that she wore to bed, her brain searching for that one image that could allow her to sleep in peace. 

She found herself watching a magnified version of Alicia at the end of the debate when their eyes had met. She concentrated on that vision, ignoring any recognition of why that image was comforting her, and watched Alicia fade away into the darkness of sleep. 

 

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

It was late the next day when Alicia shut her office door and walked toward the elevator, noticing numerous office lights still on, even at this hour. 

Court had gone well today, the judge seemed to be taking their side, and although that didn't mean an absolute win, it didn't hurt. 

Other than the time she was leaving work, it had been a good day. 

She saw the elevator doors begin to shut and ran for it, anxious to get home. She stuck her hand between the closing doors and pulled them apart to find herself staring at Maddie Hayward. 

"Alicia," Maddie exclaimed, eyes raised in honest surprise as her heart sped up in spite of herself. 

"Hi Maddie," Alicia replied hesitantly as she quickly assessed the situation, realised she couldn't get out of taking the elevator, and stepped carefully inside. 

She stood beside Maddie, far enough away that there was no chance of accidental contact but close enough that it didn't appear antagonistic. She stared up at the display, the bright blue 28 reminding her how many floors they would have to endure in awkwardness.

The air resonated between them, the awkwardness creating an almost palpable tension.

"Going down?" Maddie offered by way of casual conversation. 

Alicia nodded and Maddie leaned forward to hit the ground floor button again. The doors slid shut. 

Alicia watched the blue display change to 27, 26, 25, trying to think of anything to say that would relieve the silently mounting tension. 

When they spoke it was at the same time.

"So what did you think of the debate?"   
"What are you doing here so late?"

They paused, apology written on each face. Maddie bowed her head and extended her arm, "You first," she offered. 

Alicia was about to repeat her quite banal question when the lift shuttered. Alicia looked at the display: 17. It shuttered again and stopped, the lights shifting to emergency. 

"Damn," Maddie intoned, "This better not be what I think it is." 

Alicia looked at her and raised her eyebrows, waiting for her to explain her comment.

"They needed to do some work on the elevators in the other wing. As they needed to shut down all the elevator power we asked them to wait until midnight," Maddie explained shuffling through her purse for her cell and tapping frantically before realising that there was no signal. "They should, of course, have also checked no one was in them," she huffed as she looked around the elevator before finding the emergency call button. 

Alicia nodded, remembering that Maddie owned most of the building, Lockhart/Gardner included. 

Maddie had a response from the elevator repair team and her voice changed, growing louder and authoritative in a way Alicia never really associated with Maddie. 

The news from the repair team didn't sound good. Alicia dug her phone out of her pocket - she had a faint signal and moved her phone around the elevator until she found the only spot where it stayed faint and didn't flicker in and out. She sent a text to Zach and Grace, holding the phone in an awkwardly high position until the text sent. 

Then, with the eavesdropped knowledge that she wouldn't be out of here for the next half an hour at least, she eased herself on to the floor, taking off her shoes and tucking her feet beneath her. 

* * * 

Maddie had gone all the way up the chain of authority within the elevator repair staff with no luck except to press the urgency of the situation and get a discount on the job. 

With no other place left to turn she eased herself next to Alicia with a sigh. 

As the sigh dissipated they were left in awkward silence again. Alicia was trying to ignore her desperate need to know if Maddie ever was her friend while Maddie was thinking of, and discarding, possible conversation starters. She glanced at Alicia out of the corner of her eye, hoping she would say something, anything, that would give her an edge in to what she was thinking. Alicia stared straight ahead, knowing that if she looked over she would end up saying something she would regret. 

She stared at the 17 so hard she began to see the afterimage behind her eyes when she blinked. 

A noise sounded beside her and she looked over as Maddie voiced another 'damn' under her breath, looking as her phone battery flashed low. She turned back and caught Alicia's eyes before Alicia could turn away. 

Alicia held her eyes, feeling now that there was no other option. But as she desperately tried to keep Maddie's gaze, trying to ascertain the truth behind them, she also felt like she was being read, that Maddie could see through her. 

"Why was Indira Star at your house before you met her at the straw poll?" Alicia blurted out, desperate to protect herself from whatever had been happening between them.

Maddie was taken aback for a moment, but, as Alicia watched her intently, she noticed that the surprise didn't make it to her eyes. 

Maddie broke the gaze and turned away, leaning her head against the back of the elevator with a sigh. 

"Indira is the sister of a friend of mine..." Maddie began, as if this topic weighed heavy on her. 

"So you do have friends," Alicia interjected with more venom than she had intended, taking this alone as proof of her own betrayal as her insides began to knot themselves, desperately wishing she wasn't in this hole of her own making. 

Maddie sat up straighter and turned to Alicia, her brow furrowed as she considered her words carefully. 

"Rachel was one of the 'popular girls' at school," Maddie began as her brow evened out, unexpected relief painting her face, "She was the only one who didn't pick on me," she explained, her eyes downcast to her hands playing with the edge of her blouse - the memory affecting her more that Alicia would've thought possible. 

She blinked and looked at Alicia, "When she found out I was one of the richest women in Chicago, well..." she trailed off.

"She 'befriended' you," Alicia finished, nodding her head to encourage Maddie to continue. 

Maddie nodded ascent, turning away awkwardly for a moment and scratching the edge of her face. She turned back and continued. 

"She asked me to meet with her sister and I didn't see the harm," Maddie explained clearing her throat when it came out raspy. 

"And her accusations against Peter?" Alicia asked evenly, watching for another trace of the venerability Rachel's name caused.

"I didn't know," Maddie assured, laying her hand on Alicia's for the briefest of moments. 

Alicia felt the warmth in it and it's sudden withdrawal made her hand feel cold. 

"When I did find out I spoke to her," Maddie continued, "And insisted that I was distanced from anything that would hint I had been involved beforehand, knowing that if it had come out, it would've made me look even worse than I already did after backing Peter.

Maddie paused.

"No offence," Maddie added in addendum, sincerity written across her face. 

Alicia only nodded. 

Maddie's gaze trailed past Alicia to the empty elevator wall, "Rachel was pissed of course," she added as an afterthought, inwardly flinching at revealing this unnecessary information.

Alicia turned her body slightly towards Maddie, taking in her demeanour and second-guessing herself before continuing anyway.

"She..meant more to you," Alicia began hesitantly, not knowing what else she meant to say.

Maddie snapped out of her recollections and focused on Alicia's face. Alicia could see the thoughts flickering behind her eyes - 'do I lie?' Maddie was asking herself. 

Resigning herself to the truth Maddie nodded. 

Alicia turned back toward the elevator door, not sure if Maddie's honestly was more or less frightening. 

"I didn't plant Indira as a problem but the very fact she was one highlighted the fact that Peter couldn't be the candidate I wanted him to be," Maddie began, her tone changing to political schpeel mode. 

"Who was she?" Alicia pushed, turning to Maddie with raised brows, not really wanting the answer but wanting anything to disorient her enough to throw her out of the schpeel she had begun. 

Maddie paused open-mouthed. She bowed her head for a second, clasping her hands in her lap before turning her face towards Alicia in thin-lipped determination. 

"She was my first," Maddie said with an embarrassed head-tilt, her eyes looking past Alicia for a moment before snapping to her brown eyes. She forced a self-deprecating smile.

"Oh," Alicia murmured, putting her hand to her head in embarrassment. She removed it instantly, "I'm sor.." she began. 

"Don't be Alicia," Maddie replied, cutting off Alicia's apology as she put her hand out to touch the side of Alicia's arm. "It was a long time ago," she added, forcing a slightly more honest smile. 

The elevator shook again before normal lighting resumed. Alicia stood quickly, Maddie's hand falling from her arm. Maddie stood moments later as both sets of eyes glued to the blue 17. As it changed to 16 and then 15 they both smiled. 

When they arrived at the bottom and escaped the elevator into the cool air of the room below Alicia waited in the foyer as Maddie spoke to the repair crew. When she had finished she approached Alicia. 

"I stayed to apologise," Alicia began, "It was none of my business," she asserted, shaking her head. 

Maddie's hand reached out and squeezed Alicia's arm gently, eyes searching for Alicia's as Alicia turned and met Maddie's gaze. 

"I was told once that friends share things," Maddie replied with a half-serious expression as her hand dropped. 

Alicia smiled, "you were told once?" she echoed with a small laugh, her arm noticeably cold where Maddie's hand had been. 

Maddie smiled, nodding, "So let's put that down as my initial contribution," she continued, "and we'll see what happens." 

Alicia nodded. 

"You okay to get home?" Maddie asked, "I could have my driver.."

"No," Alicia responded, "Thank you," she amended softer. 

Maddie nodded, "See you around," she said casually as she walked toward her awaiting car. 

Alicia nodded, hefting her purse and heading towards her car. 

* * * 

Alicia drove home, replaying the episode in her head and trying to push away the odd sensation that the memory imprinted. She thought of the strength it took Maddie to be that venerable with someone who could easily use it as ammo and found the trust highly disconcerting. And part of her wanted this friendship in that same awkward way Maddie had approached her, because she too had no real friends beyond Kalinda and Will and both of those relationships were troubled to say the least. The friends she had before Peter was arrested, and there had been many, had proven themselves false and she hadn't had time to cultivate any others since starting at Lockhart/Gardner. 

What did that mean though? Even if Alicia did want to give Maddie the benefit of the doubt, and her secret sharing in the lift almost made them even, it wasn't as if they could go out for drinks or have lunch when Maddie was running against her husband. And yet, even as Alicia tried to push the idea of pursuing a friendship from her thoughts, the impression lingered - a tingling warmth of possibility that remained with her for the rest of the night. 

* * * 

When she got home she sat in front of the keyboard staring at the search page, willing herself to type the letters. She nearly made a start but as she typed the M she saw the trail of other searches she had made (the first being Major Outcomes of Barnes v Davis) and reconsidered. 

She knocked on Zach's door and heard the familiar voice respond 'come in.' 

"Hey Mom, what do you want?" Zach asked turning from his computer screen in his pivoting chair. 

"How do you delete the search history?" She asked, "It's for a case," she added as an afterthought, wincing inwardly at the slightly forced nature. 

Zach sighed, swivelled back toward his computer and took Alicia through it step by step numerous times before Alicia felt confident she could find it on her own. 

She stood up from her position leaning over his shoulder, thanked her son and walked back to the living room, shutting his door behind her. 

She sat herself again in front of the screen, still hesitating to type the letters, as if information gathering was a felony. It could even be fact-finding for Peter's campaign but no one within the family would believe that. 

Maddie Hayward, Governor. 

The words were stark black on the white screen. She moved the mouse and clicked search. 

* * * 

Alicia pressed the button on her cell, trying not to think about the consequences. One ring, two. The voicemail clicked on and Alicia hung up. All for the best.

She entered the building housing Lockhart/Gardner and took the elevator up to the 28th floor. The elevator was crowded, much as it always was at this time in the morning, and Alicia squeezed herself together, trying to take up as little room as possible as those beside her jostled in and out with briefcases, bags, talking on phones. As they approached the 28th floor Alicia stood up straighter, brushed off the front of her suit and waited for the 'ding' that would herald her arrival. The 'ding' sounded, the door opened and Alicia entered, making her way around the reception desk, through the corridors of meeting rooms and down the stairs to her office. 

She shut the door and opened the case notes on her desk, her client would be here in an hour. 

* * * 

A case note review and two client meetings later Alicia was back in her office reviewing yet another file when Diane knocked on her door. 

She sat up when she saw Diane, who, despite her relatively open-door policy, rarely visited the rank and file, and beckoned her in. 

"What can I do for you?" she asked, shutting the file she had been reviewing. 

Diane touched her tongue to her upper lip, hesitating for a moment before continuing, "Maddie has asked you to come to her office," she finally relayed, with a bit of a quizzical expression.

"Now?" Alicia asked. 

"If you are available," Diane responded. 

Alicia nodded, standing up with what she hoped was confident nonchalance, and following Diane out of her office. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Alicia intoned uselessly as they walked up the stairs to the main entrance. 

Diane turned to her, "Take your time if you're able. Anything we can do to make her happy might give us points towards her reevaluating our offer."

Alicia nodded as they passed the turn-off to Diane's office. Diane said good-bye and left Alicia to continue her journey to the elevator. 

She stood by the elevator, trying to calm the nerves fluttering in her stomach. The elevator 'dinged' it's arrival and the doors opened with their sliding groan. A young man, one of the paralegals, walked out and Alicia walked in to an empty elevator, pressing the button for the 30th floor. She hefted her bag higher on her shoulder and gripped it tightly, watching as the numbers changed from 28 to 29 to 30. The elevator 'dinged' again and slid open, depositing Alicia into a reception white with paint and construction. 

She heard her name being called before she saw Maddie enter from around a turn in the hallway.

"I'm glad you were able to come up," Maddie offered as she smiled and led Alicia around the corner and down a corridor to a newly decorated office. 

The carpets were a pale grey and a big oak desk took up the centre of the room, behind it was a tall-backed black leather chair. Behind the imposing chair were floor to ceiling matching oak shelves, scarcely scattered with a few books. 

Maddie gestured to the lower-backed chair on the closer side of the table and made her way around the table, sitting in her chair and folding her hands before her, looking at Alicia with raised brows.

"I'm not sure why I am here," Alicia uttered self-consciously. 

Maddie un-linked her hands and rested them across the cool of the table. 

"You called me," She prompted. 

Alicia's mouth fell open and she smiled in embarrassment, lowering her head in her hand for a moment before looking up, smile still plastered on her now-red face. 

"I did," she admitted.

Maddie raised her brows again. 

Alicia laughed in spite of herself. "You made me feel like my teacher summoned me to the principal's office and you did this because I called?" Alicia half stated, half asked. 

Maddie nodded, "It seemed the most expedient way to talk without attracting undue attention."

"Undue attention?" Alicia responded, still torn between surprise and disbelief at the outlandish circumstance. 

"Diane is happy to send you up here with the hope it will help them out with the rent, am I right?" Maddie correctly ascertained, "Besides I prefer to chat in person," she added with an almost predatory glint. 

Alicia forced her face into a neutral expression, crossing her legs and folding her hands over her knee. "So what do you want to discuss?" she asked cocking her head slightly to one side. 

"You're the one who called," Maddie pointed out. 

Alicia nodded, looking around the room absently, trying to grasp on to something, anything, which would allow her to continue the conversation without the real reason for her phone call this morning. 

"Alicia," Maddie intoned, trying to snap her out of her reverie. 

Alicia's eyes jumped to Maddie's without a thought, "Mmm?" she replied, "oh yes, I called you." 

Maddie raised her eyes, impatience crossing her face as she stared at Alicia. 

Alicia dropped her eyes from Maddie's before clearing her throat and looking up again. 

"I... I wanted to try again," Alicia replied, watching Maddie's face carefully. 

Maddie didn't smile, although Alicia could read the smile in her eyes, instead she kept her mouth even, unfolded and folded her hands. 

"You want..?" Maddie reiterated, raising her eyebrows. 

"After the election is over, I want to go out for drinks, or dinner," Alicia offered, hoping she didn't sound too eager, worried that it sounded wrong, "I realise that I too have few friends," she admitted with a half smile, hoping Maddie would see the joke. 

Maddie nodded, trying not to let her happiness betray her but the smile broke across her face. 

"I would like that Alicia," she replied simply. 

Alicia nodded, her lips pressed together in a line. She stood, "I have to get back to work," she said by way of explanation.

Maddie nodded, standing and walking Alicia the few steps to the door.

"Do you think I have a chance?" She asked leaning against the frame to her office door, "Against your husband," she clarified. 

Alicia looked past Maddie for a moment, thinking through everything she knew, before turning back to Maddie. 

"I don't know," she responded honestly. 

Maddie nodded, "Thank you for coming by Alicia, and I look forward to dinner."

"Me too," Alicia responded, a thin smile on her lips as she turned and exited the office. 

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Maddie sat in her office, watching the sun set over the city, sipping the scotch she kept in her bottom drawer. She was vacillating between the desire to see Alicia again as soon as possible and how best to make that happen and the concern that doing so would lead to betraying her. The more she thought about it the less it mattered what happened, Alicia was talking to her again and she didn't want to lose her. 

What she completely ignored, despite the shadow it created in her mind, was what was spurring on this intensity. 

* * * 

Alicia came into her office the following week to find a note on her desk. 

Dinner, Friday, the 30th floor. Tell me you'll accept.

M

Alicia's brow furrowed as her stomach fluttered. The offer appealed and appalled in equal measure. Maddie's insistence bothered her and yet she wanted to accept, to ignore everything in her head screaming all the reasons she shouldn't. 

"What's that?" 

Alicia looked up to see Cary entering their office. She folded the note away and tucked it into her purse. 

"Nothing," she said, plastering on a smile. 

"Didn't look like nothing," Cary commented softly, heading towards his seat and involving himself in his own work. 

Alicia shook her head, trying to dislodge the small bit of anarchy desperate to be heard. She couldn't have anything to do with Maddie until after the election and in the privacy of Maddie's office it felt too much like sneaking around - like she had something to hide. It was better for everyone involved if they waited until the election was over. 

And yet, if Alicia stripped away all the logic, in her heart she wanted to go. Maddie affected her in some way she couldn't yet place and she wanted to an excuse to spend time with her. She shook her head again, pulled open a brief and forced herself to concentrate. 

* * * 

Alicia exited the courtroom later to find Peter waiting for her. 

"Is something wrong?" She asked upon seeing the serious downward curve of his lip that was his default expression.

"No," he assured her, a smile cracking his visage, "but can I speak to you for a moment?" He asked leading her to his office. 

Alicia fell into step beside him as she tried to avoid the gaze of the other lawyers waiting around the courtroom. She could feel their gaze; predatory in a way it never was when she was alone. Peter opened the door to the DA's office and held it open, ushering Alicia in before him. He brought her through the hall and was nabbed twice by staff members with questions before making it to his office. The door closed behind them, a click followed by silence. Peter gestured to his couch and Alicia sat down, Peter unbuttoning his jacket and sitting beside her. 

"What is it Peter?" Alicia repeated. 

"Come to dinner with me," Peter said, his eyebrows curving the way they did when he was nervous, unsure. 

Alicia laughed, partly from shock and partly to think of what to say. 

"Come on Alicia, I thought we could spend some time together. Just you and me."

Alicia cocked her head to the side. 

"I'll think about it," She finally replied. 

Peter pressed his lips together in an almost frown, clearly not expecting this response. 

"Ok," he replied raising his eyebrows and relaxing his face before leaning back into the couch, his arm draped along the back. 

"So what did Maddie want?" he asked casually. 

"What?" Alicia blurted out, shock crossing her face before she composed it.

Peter cracked a side-smile, "She summoned you to her office yesterday."

"Is that a problem?" Alicia asked, annoyed that she was being watched and the insinuation that Peter should have say over who she visited in the course of her day. 

"That depends on why she wanted to speak to you," Peter replied, his lip curled in an affable half smile. 

Alicia considered her response. On one hand Peter was doing what he needed to for his campaign, on the other he was being intrusive and possessive. If she lied and he found out it would look exponentially worse but the truth sounded highly suspect.

"She was considering Lockhart/Gardner for some consulting work," Alicia lied ably.

"And she wanted to talk to you?" Peter asked, eyebrows rising in suspicion. 

"She wanted to ensure it wouldn't be a problem for me that the firm represented her," she explained. 

"And is it?" Peter asked, leaning forward and clasping his hands in his lap. 

Alicia shook her head, "We're both professionals who want the best for Illinois but differ on what exactly that means," she replied, a smile playing on her lips, knowing that the implication would feed his ego just enough to throw him off track. 

Peter nodded, leaning back slightly and placing his hands on his thighs as he pushed of, standing up and re-buttoning his coat.

"Thank you Alicia," he said as Alicia stood, "I'll let you get back to work." 

He gestured to the door, leading Alicia as she made her way to it. 

"Let me know if you are available for dinner," he said as he opened the door. 

Alicia nodded, saying goodbye and leaving him at his office door. She made her way back to the main hallway, seething below the surface as she swore she wasn't going to let the campaign get in the way of her life. 

* * * 

She returned to the office, taking a deep breath and pressing the button that would bring her to the 30th floor. The elevator dinged and she walked through the doors, ignoring the reception and other staff littered before the main hallway. She walked through the bare plaster halls, taking a left and then right as she made her way to Maddie's office. She opened the door to find Maddie on a phone call. 

Maddie looked up. "I'll call you back," she said, hanging up without taking her eyes off Alicia. 

"I'd say come on in but you seem to have found your way in already," Maddie remarked with a slight sarcasm as the corner of her mouth belied the anger her words may have held. 

"Sorry, I didn't think..." Alicia began, her initial determination fading in the face of her action. 

"Don't worry about it Alicia," she replied smiling, "come and sit."

Alicia sat herself in the chair opposite Maddie. 

"To what do I owe the honour?" Maddie asked. 

Alicia met Maddie's eyes, holding them in her own and feeling her confidence return in the action. 

"I'm here to say yes. I would love to have dinner on Friday," Alicia stated, her heart pounding nervously beneath the aura of false confidence. 

Maddie's smile made it to her eyes. She aimlessly moved a pile on her desk before leaning forward on her desk. 

"You didn't need to come here to tell me that. In fact it might contradict the discretion I was trying to allow us," Maddie said, meeting Alicia's eyes unblinkingly. 

"I don't care, Peter..." 

Maddie cut off, holding her finger out toward Alicia's lips, "I don't want to know anything about Peter," she asserted.

Alicia nodded. "Chinese wall," she replied. 

Maddie nodded in agreement, putting down her hand as her phone rang. 

Alicia got up quickly and made for the door. 

"I'll see you Friday," Maddie whispered as she picked up the phone. 

Alicia nodded, her lips curved into a smile, as she turned and exited Maddie's office. 

* * * 

The week dragged on in a torrent of rain and the feeling of unrelenting drudgery it caused was paralleled by Alicia's caseload. It was as if they knew that Alicia needed something more to distract her and firmly refused to do anything to allow it. 

At Peter's repeated prompting she agreed to have dinner with him on Saturday, part of her wondering if her capitulation had anything to do with her guilt over seeing Maddie the night before. Otherwise the week was only extraordinary for its inability to progress at a usual pace. Even her, now regular, dalliance with Peter in the campaign bus left her wanting, the thrill of it gone. 

On Friday morning the sun broke through the clouds and tried to dry a soaked Chicago. Alicia could feel the extra spring in her step but when Diane made a comment about her looking more chipper she chalked it up to the sun's return. 

As if the sun had reinvigorated everything, all the cases that had refused to budge over the week suddenly progressed or settled and Alicia's day ran by with a speed she had thought impossible. 

She was at her desk, finishing off a brief, when she realised the time. She tried to concentrate on the last few sentences but found she was unable (why was she so nervous?) and saved it to finish over the weekend. 

She collected her things, said bye to Cary and went to the elevator as casually as possible, hoping no one else would be going home at the same time and wondering why she was heading up. 

She turned the corner and saw Will waiting for the elevator. Before he could see her, and ensuring no one else saw her either, she instinctively ducked into the stairwell and took the two flights up. 

She opened the stairwell door at the 30th floor and saw Maddie, waiting in one of the reception chairs and clearly expecting her to come out of the elevator, turn in momentary confusion. 

"Sorry I'm late," Alicia said before Maddie could open her mouth. 

Maddie stood, "Glad you made it," she replied, taking the few steps in between them, "this way," she gestured, one hand motioning toward the hallway that lead to the offices, the other brushing against the small of Alicia's back in an unconscious gesture. 

"Something smells fabulous," Alicia commented as Maddie fell in to step beside her, directing her into a simple kitchen. A man stood at the stove, three pots and pans on the go, the oven producing a lovely aroma. 

"It'll be done shortly," he remarked when the entered, the faintest trace of an Italian accent. 

"Thank you Maurice," Maddie replied with a smile before she led Alicia away from the kitchen and through another hallway into her office. 

"You hired a cook?" Alicia remarked as she followed Maddie to her couch and sat beside her but at a comfortable distance. 

Maddie shook her head, leaning over to pick up an uncorked bottle of wine, sitting on the long coffee table in front of them. She offered some to Alicia, who nodded in acceptance, before pouring the wine into the two awaiting glasses. 

"Maurice is my personal chef," Maddie clarified, handing one of the glasses to Alicia and turning sideways on the couch to face her. 

"Really?" Alicia responded as she took the glass, brushing Maddie's fingers and already feeling a little giddy before the wine had even come to her lips, "And how does one find a personal chef?" she asked to cover up her confusion, quickly putting the wine to her lips. 

"I picked him up in a bar," Maddie replied frankly, taking a sip of her own wine but watching as Alicia spluttered before wiping the edge of her mouth discretely and placing her wine glass on her other hand. Maddie put her glass down and smiled before leaning her arm against the back of the couch and letting her head rest against it. 

Alicia narrowed her eyes, trying to judge the situation. 

"I'm completely serious," Maddie continued jovially, happy to have something to say, "I picked him up in the bar, took him home, we had an okay night and then when I woke up he had made me breakfast. And it was better than the sex. I hired him on the spot."

"So you two..." Alicia trailed off. 

Maddie picked up her glass and took another sip, swallowing before shaking her head. "Not since that night," she confirmed seriously, before the edge of her lips cracked a smile, "He does make an amazing omelet though."

Alicia nodded, taking another sip. 

Maddie watched her for a moment, cocking her head to the side. 

"Are you okay?" she asked as she leaned forward and covered Alicia's hand with her own. 

Alicia's heart pounded at Maddie's touch but Maddie's hand slipped away as Maurice’s entrance diverted her attention. 

The plates were set at a small table to the side of Maddie's desk, right beside a large window overlooking a small park. Alicia followed Maddie to the table, thinking, not for the first time, that she was in deeper than she should be. And yet Maddie drew her in, made her feel... what? And why was she so nervous?

"Thank you," Maddie offered to Maurice as he left the women to his meal. 

Alicia smiled at him, trying to force the image of him in bed with Maddie out of her mind, and thanked him in turn before putting her cloth napkin on her skirt and picking up her knife and fork. 

The food was delicious and Alicia said as much. In between bites Maddie regaled her with tales of her awkward high school years, asked about Alicia's kids and one conversation ran into the next with an ease neither woman had anticipated. As the meal progressed Alicia felt less nervous and more comfortable and a bottle and a half later they were back on the couch, each woman a little more giggly that she would have liked to admit. 

Alicia's initial nerves had severely diminished and instead her nervousness resonated as a background hum, one the alcohol made feel warm and inviting. She felt every accidental touch, the brush of Maddie's hands against hers, the press of Maddie's knee against her thigh, every glancing of Maddie's body against her own was a warmth, a release of endorphins that made her feel younger than she had in years. She was enjoying herself, honestly enjoying herself, for the first time in a very long time. 

"...and that is why Ben became a hot dog vendor," Maddie finished, trying to keep a straight face. 

Alicia giggled, taking another sip of wine, nearly spilling it and accidentally landing her hand on Maddie's upper thigh as she rushed to get the wine glass on the table. The contact shot through her and for a moment Alicia sobered. 

"Maddie, this has all been lovely but what is this really about?" she asked, tempting the truth she didn't want to know, the one she wasn't allowing herself to recognise. 

Maddie averted her gaze for a moment, picking up her glass and taking a sip, making a show of putting it down and looking straight at Alicia before responding. 

Alicia watched those eyes, stared into them, and it was both a safety and a fear that somehow they would swallow her if she let them. 

Maddie's eyes slid from Alicia's, "I told you, wanted a friend," she responded noncommittally, picking up her now empty wine glass and playing it between her fingers. 

Alicia reached out to Maddie's face, surprised by her own resolve as she forced Maddie to look her in the eyes, pulling her fingers away as Maddie responded. 

"But now?" Alicia questioned gesturing to the remnants of their plates while staying focused on Maddie, "You could've waited until after Peter..."

Maddie's index finger shot out and covered Alicia's lips, "Don't mention Peter," she whispered, slurring the ends of her words. 

Alicia met Maddie's eyes, her heart caught in her throat as her lips parted ever so slightly, tingling in response to the touch. The air around them grew thick. 

Maddie turned away, pulling away her finger and getting up from her place on the couch. "I'll be right back," she mumbled unceremoniously as she exited the room. 

Alicia's lips tingled even in the absence of Maddie's touch, and she bit down on the lower one, finally recognising the signs her body had been giving her all evening, if not longer. She shook her head, trying to clear it, trying to make this feeling go away. But she realised it had been there from the beginning, from their awkward encounter in the court when Maddie had asked her for drinks, something had drawn her to Maddie even then. But she was married. Peter. His name brought back the feeling of Maddie's finger on her lips and Alicia traced them with her own fingers, a pit growing in her stomach as her alcohol-drowned sense fought with the desire building in her body. 

Flight took hold and she grabbed the coat and purse she had left in the corner of the room and made her way to the elevators as quickly and quietly as she could. She pressed the down button. "Come on," she whispered under her breath as she watched the numbers ease their way up. 

* * * 

Maddie made her way awkwardly to the bathroom, trying desperately to catch the breath caught in her throat. Maybe she had known all along, she had certainly forced away any inkling that had occurred to her. And now her body was betraying her. She entered the bathroom, wet a towel with cold water and pressed it against her face, trying to sober herself up. She put the towel down and stared at herself in the mirror, hoping it would give her some answers. She turned away, disgusted, and left the bathroom. 

* * * 

The doors opened in front of Alicia and she stepped in. 

"Alicia," Maddie called from the other side of the reception, taking hasty strides to the elevator, "I'm sorry," she cried out as the doors between them shut before she could reach them, "I didn't mean.."

She dropped off her sentence, not sure what she had intended to say, and stood there for a moment, watching as the number above the elevator counted down from 30. 

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Alicia didn't remember the taxi home. She found herself at her door, keys in hand, knowing only that her stomach twisted inside of her as she ran through what had happened again and again. 

She tried to convince herself it was only a touch, that it didn't mean anything but she had seen Maddie's eyes, had felt her own reaction and saw their past in a whole new light. Even if she was imagining the rest she could not ignore her body's reaction - but what could she do about it?

She turned on the shower, as cold as she could bear it, and weighed her options. She could confront Maddie. She ran through possible scenarios but each felt empty, cardboard. She wasn't sure she could maintain that level of disconnect when what she really wanted were those 'innocent' touches that made her body feel electric. But she had to; she could not betray her vows, as tarnished as they already were, she wouldn't do it to her family again and certainly not with Maddie. She pictured the headlines, horrible paparazzi shots of her and Maddie with dark glasses trying to leave the building that house their offices. It would be too painful for the children. 

She got out of the shower, the cold having done little for the heat inside her, and got in bed. She picked up the brief she had been working on the previous night and tried to enforce a semblance of normality. A few hours later, she put the brief down uselessly and turned off the lights. 

* * * 

"You don't get to be sorry," Alicia exclaimed, stepping out of the lift and throwing her coat and purse on the floor, "You can go back to your life," she raged, stepping ever closer and pointing emphatically, "Me? I go back to my husband, and my children and what?" she was in Maddie's face, "What do you expect me to do now?" she asked, breathless with anger and adrenaline as she held Maddie's eyes, feeling breath against her face. 

She felt the fingers in her hair moments before she felt Maddie's lips against her own, soft and pliable, and then they were gone and Alicia was staring wide-eyed as Maddie took a step back, repeating 'I'm sorry' under her breath. 

Alicia took two steps forward, trapping Maddie between her and the back of one of the reception couches. She froze for a moment within Maddie's personal space, her body thrumming with the proximity as stared into Maddie's eyes, first one and then the other, their depths mirroring her own desire with an intensity that scared her and made the air hard to breathe. 

"Alicia, don't..." Maddie began softly. 

Alicia placed her finger gently on Maddie's lips, watching her breath hitch. 

"You don't get to be sorry," she stated, leaning in and replacing her finger with her lips. 

She felt the gentle pressure of Maddie's lips respond, a few moments of searching, gauging, before the hesitancy was replaced by a deeper need. Her mouth opened and she felt Maddie's tongue begin its exploration of her mouth....

Her alarm made her jump out of bed, her heart racing. She could still feel the lingering effect of Maddie's kiss and, as she got up, she realised how wet she had become. 

"Shit," she uttered under her breath. 

It was going to be a long day. 

* * * 

Maddie sat by her office window well into the night sipping her scotch. The night blurred into colours, the sound of Alicia's laughter and the deepening pit in her stomach, all ending abruptly with the warning that resounded when she had put her finger on Alicia's lips to quiet her. She had seen Alicia's reaction; the mixture of fear and lust had been unmistakable. Excusing herself seemed the only reaction and yet part of her was kicking herself for it.

She turned from the window, downing the rest of her scotch and slamming the empty cup on her desk. She walked in front of her desk, pacing a line in front of it. Part of her had always wanted this, to get close to Alicia, but the plan had gone awry and she had lost too much of herself in the process. She realised now that the excuse of her political ambitions had always been a smokescreen for the real reason she wanted to get to know her. 

She sighed, picked up her phone and called her driver before picking up her coat and making her way to the elevator. 

Home and changed she threw open the door to her pool and split the water with her dive. She pushed herself from one end to the other, loosing count of her laps as the moon shone in through the windows. 

Pushed to exhaustion she pulled herself out of the pool and dried off, making it to her living room couch before collapsing. 

* * * 

Alicia pushed herself through her errands, ordered the shopping, cleaned the bits of the house that were essential and then made her way into the office, still in her sweater and jeans, to finish the work she hadn't finished the day before. 

She entered the elevator, half afraid, half wishing that Maddie would be there. She breathed a sigh of relief at her absence, forcing away the anticipation that had risen in her throat as the elevator dinged and she entered the 28th floor. 

There was a serenity to Lockhart/Gardner on the weekends. She was hardly the only person in the office but the atmosphere was calmer, almost sedate. She made her way to her desk; all of her present colleagues absorbed in their own work, and sat down, turning on her laptop and trying to focus on the task at hand. 

She fought her way through the intrusive 'what if's' that plagued her, 'What if Maddie came to her office right now?' being the most persistent, and pushed herself to finish the brief she had started the day before. 

She was just reviewing the rest of her work to see what else was urgent when there was a knock at the door. A lump rose in her throat so fast Alicia nearly jumped out of her chair but when she looked up it was Kalinda. 

She exhaled, gesturing for her to come in. 

"Everything okay?" Kalinda asked cautiously as she came in and hovered on the other side of Alicia's desk. 

Alicia nodded, not trusting her voice, before averting her gaze. Kalinda positioned herself closer. 

"Alicia," she prodded, a gentle warning tone. 

Alicia buried her head in her hand for a moment to regain her composure. When she looked back up Kalinda was watching her intently from the side of her desk, carefully keeping her distance. 

"You're not okay," Kalinda factually stated. 

Alicia shook her head, unable to lie in the face of Kalinda's kindness. All of the tension of the past few days splintered within her and tears welled up in her eyes. She cleared her throat and forced them away, wiping her eyes of the excess water. 

Kalinda took a careful step closer, "Let's get out of here," she offered, her voice just over a whisper. 

Alicia nodded, shut down her computer and collected her belongings. 

* * * 

The wind was bitter and Alicia pulled her coat tighter. She couldn't fault Kalinda for the spot though; they were sat on a bench overloooking Lake Michigan and despite it being early afternoon no one was around except for the odd determined jogger. 

Alicia sipped the coffee in her hands, chaffing it for its warmth. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kalinda asked before sipping her own coffee, wondering when she became the sensible friend. 

Alicia sighed, fighting with her own fear of betrayal. She believed that Kalinda would keep her secret but she was hesitant to give voice to all that had happened, as if that would make it more real. 

She took a deep breath, it caught in her throat as she tried to find the words. 

"Maddie..." she began, not sure where to start. She swallowed. 

"We had dinner...," Alicia voiced, as if that alone could hold all that has occurred between them. She took another breath and tried again, "There is something...we...she.. I think she almost kissed me," she finally spat out, averting her eyes, "I think I wanted her too," she whispered, looking out into the ocean.

The confession stung Kalinda as she realised that part of her had never given up hope that Alicia would leave Peter to be with her. It had always been an impossible fantasy and yet it still hurt that someone else was getting what she had always wanted.

When Kalinda didn't respond Alicia turned to face her, recognising Kalinda's silence for what it was, her coming to terms with her own loss. She took Kalinda's hands. 

"I know you.. care for me," Alicia began, careful not to harm Kalinda's feelings any further or crack her fortress-wall, "You have always been a good friend and I am sorry that it took me so long to realize that," she admitted earnestly. 

Kalinda nodded, forcing herself to leave her hands within Alicia's despite her flight instinct telling her to pull away. Alicia needed this as much as she did, this simple connection to another person, and it was for Alicia's sake that she was able to keep them steady, letting Alicia's hands warm on her own. 

"If someone finds out now the press will make your lives hell," Kalinda pointed out pragmatically, "You need to stay away from each other until the race is over."

Alicia nodded. She had known it of course, somewhere in the chaos of her own thoughts, but it was reassuring to have the pieces slotted together, the decision simplified. 

"And if it isn't what I really want?" Alicia asked softly, avoiding Kalinda's gaze. 

Kalinda waited until Alicia raised her eyes again, "There is only one way to find out," she replied softly, raising her eyebrows. 

Alicia swallowed the lump in her throat unsuccessfully and nodded. 

"Thank you," Alicia offered sincerely. 

Kalinda pulled her hands away, the sudden cold surprising her, "That is what friends are for," she stated casually as she stood up, "shall we?" she asked. 

Alicia nodded following Kalinda out of the wind. 

* * * 

Maddie woke up to the sunlight streaming in through her bay window. Her head throbbed and she was still in her bathing suit with her towel wrapped around her. She disentangled herself and made her way to the bathroom.

An aspirin and a shower later she still had a throbbing headache but she felt slightly more human. 

* * * 

Kalinda left Alicia at her car and immediately went back to the office. She began trolling through whatever information she could find about Maddie Hayward, desperate to protect Alicia however she could. A small part of her wondered if this was selfishness on her part, the desire to prove Maddie unworthy, but even if there was she would use it to fuel her. She would not see Alicia hurt if there was anything she could do to prevent it. 

* * * 

Home again, Alicia readied herself for her date with Peter. She was loathe to go but she knew that if she didn't it would raise alarm bells and at the moment she needed Peter to trust her. 

The doorbell rang perfectly on time. Alicia did one last check of her appearance, took a deep breath and forced her mouth into the fake smile she had taken years to perfect, toning it down with the hopes Peter wouldn't notice. 

She opened the door. 

Peter turned and took her in, "You look amazing Alicia," he said offering his arm. 

She thanked him and took his arm, releasing it for a moment to lock the door behind them. She took his arm again as he led her the few steps to the elevators. 

"Thank you for coming tonight," Peter offered as the doors shut before them. 

Alicia turned to him and gave a small smile, "Of course," she replied, pushing away everything that had been tormenting her and reminding herself that she did love Peter, despite everything. 

"How are the kids?" he asked, "Even when they're with me I feel like I never see them," he remarked. 

Alicia nodded, a single laugh passing her lips, "They're growing up," she stated, "I feel the same. I think they're okay though," she added nodding. 

The elevator dinged and they left the empty elevator, Peter ushering Alicia into a waiting car. 

Alicia raised her brow at the extra expense. 

"You're worth it," Peter said with a smile, reading Alicia's expressions as fluently as always, before leaning over and speaking to the driver. 

Alicia watched as the car pulled away and started off toward the restaurant, enjoying the silence between. 

"Alicia," Peter started, and the tone of his voice made her snap to attention. 

"What is it?" she asked, concern painted on her face as she instantly arrived at numerous worse-case scenarios, most involving Maddie in some way. 

"Nothing like that," Peter calmed, raising his hand slightly before putting it on her lower thigh, "I just worry about the impact my campaigning has on the kids," he stated soberly. 

Alicia exhaled louder than she meant before looking ahead pensively, trying to think how the children were directly affected. 

She shook her head. 

"I think all kids have similar trials, as long as we keep them out of the limelight as much as possible I don't think they are being harmed by it."

"Of course I'm not sure how much longer we can keep Zach out of it," she amended. 

Peter nodded, "He will be an adult soon enough," he remarked distantly. 

Alicia nodded, various images of Zach when he was young flashing through her mind. "Do you remember when he was three and you took him to fly a kite outside the circus?" 

Peter nodded, "He was so excited to have that kite in the air."

"And then the band struck up in the circus, and he was so scared he lost the kite?" Alicia continued. 

"He was devastated," Peter finished, nodded, "I can't believe how much has changed," he added looking meaningfully at Alicia. He took her hand and squeezed it and Alicia looked back at him and smiled. 

The car slowed and Alicia slipped her hand away as Peter leaned over to speak to the driver again. 

They pulled up to the restaurant she knew well and Peter escorted her in, making their way to an isolated table in the back. They ordered dinner, something they had both ordered dozens of times before, and, as the waiter left, Alicia had an odd moment of suffocation, as if she was trapped in this dinner, in this life. She exhaled, recognising this as a side-effect of her anxiety over Maddie, and picked up her wine, trying to calm her nerves. 

"A toast," Peter offered, stopping Alicia as she was about to put the wine to her lips, "To working things out." 

Alicia forced a smile on her face, clinking their glasses before taking a sip. 

Peter followed suit, putting his glass down and leaning forward, reaching for Alicia's hand. Alicia tried to avoid contact without making it seem too obvious but failed as Peter caught her hand before it slid off the table. 

"Alicia," he began but before he could continue his phone rang.

He pulled his hand away apologetically, "I told Eli not to bother me unless it was important," he explained, pulling the phone from his pocket and making his way back to the door. 

Alicia watched him depart; glad for the headspace it allowed her. She picked up her wine, realising that whether Peter had changed or not was no longer the issue, she had changed, she had evolved without him and the rest of this was play-acting to a script she knew by heart. It was a performance she was usually comfortable in but as of late it had started to grate on her and she now realised the cause of this friction. 

As the pieces fell into place in her head Peter came back to the table, tucking his phone back in his pocket, his whole face formed into an uncomfortable frown. Alicia put down her second glass of wine, sitting up straighter and trying to read the cause of Peter's expression. 

"Bad news?" she asked as he sat back in his seat opposite her. 

"In a way, yes," Peter responded cagily. 

The waiter, seeing Peter return, gestured for their meals to be brought to the table. 

"What is it?" Alicia asked putting down her glass. 

Peter forced his politician smile on as the food was placed before them. 

"It can wait until after we eat," he assured her. 

Alicia was unconvinced but tried to force away her own fears, knowing they were unsubstantiated, it wasn't as if Maddie was going to tell Peter, and there was nothing really to tell anyway. Nothing had happened. 

They made conversation but it was all on the surface, Alicia could tell Peter was holding back something and all this was shadow-play as he fought to figure out how he wanted to address something. 

"Do you still see Maddie?" he asked in a moment of silence. It would've appeared to the world like an innocent enquiry but Alicia felt the weight of it as Peter's eyes bored into her before taking another bite of his meal, masking his concern over the response. 

Alicia put her fork down and picked up her wine glass, "What do you mean?" she asked, glad her voice remained steady despite the lump that had jumped into her throat. 

"She tried to befriend you, right? Before she ran?" Peter clarified, putting down his fork and reaching for his drink, "Do you still hear from her?"

"I see her around," Alicia offered, trying to remain evasive, "She does work two floors up from me so we bump in to each other." 

"Of course," Peter acknowledged, nodding as he went back to his dinner.

Alicia could feel the change in his demeanour from restrained to downright cold and her brain went in to panic mode, thinking of all the possible ways he could know. Of what could he know. She had thought it impossible but something had Peter on the defensive. 

They finished dinner in silence, each politely refusing desert when the waiter came around. 

Peter paid and ushered Alicia back into the waiting car.

Peter took out his phone again as the car pulled away, flicking through various menus until he found what he was looking for. He placed the phone on Alicia's lap. Alicia picked it up, recognising the photo in that jarring way of seeing something from a different angle than remembered. It was an image of her and Maddie eating dinner taken through the window of Maddie's office. 

"You bump into her in her office with a three course meal?" Peter shot, the sarcasm apparent in his voice. 

"Who took this?" Alicia asked firmly, handing the phone back. 

Peter was taken aback for a moment, "Why did you lie to me?" he asked trying to regain the high ground. 

"Because I knew you would question her motives but you know what? I like Maddie, we're friends and so yes, we had dinner last night," Alicia shot back, her voice raising with indignation, "Now how did you get that photo?"

"Someone Eli knows," Peter muttered, brushing it off, "And thankfully this was him and not someone working for.." 

"You mean thankfully no one is watching me dining with the enemy?" Alicia cut off, "You're mad at me for having dinner but not Eli for hiring someone to follow Maddie?" she fumed, "Get out," she commanded. 

"What?" 

"Get out," Alicia insisted. 

"Alicia," Peter responded trying to placate her.

"Either you get out or I do," Alicia stated, her voice brokering no argument. 

Peter leaned forward and told the driver to pull over. He did as much and Peter got out. 

"I don't trust her Alicia," he said, holding the door and leaning into the car. 

"Like it or not Peter, I don't share your opinion in all things," Alicia replied, voice steely cold as she leaned over and pulling the door from him, feeling it shut with a satisfying bang. 

She leaned forward and asked the driver to bring her home. 

* * * 

The car dropped her off at her apartment complex but she couldn't go inside yet. She started walking in a random direction, taking deep breaths as she tried to process all that had happened. She was lucky really, there would've been more compromising photos. But now that she knew what was she going to do?

She got out her phone, took a deep breath and rang Maddie. 

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Maddie was in her home office, trying to piece together an ad campaign, when her phone rang. She saw Alicia's name appear and froze, almost not believing the truth of it. 

"Maddie Hayward," she answered, wincing at how formal she sounded. 

"Hi Maddie, it's Alicia, we need to talk," she sounded worried and breathless.

"Are you okay?" Maddie asked, Alicia's tone making her instinctively concerned. 

"I'm fine. Do you know of a place we won't be recognised?"

"What is wrong with the office?" Maddie asked, brows furrowed. 

"I'll tell you later," Alicia offered, her breath still coming in gasps. 

"There is a western bar on 4th and Madison that is pretty low class," Maddie suggested, "I can be there in fifteen minutes. 

"Ok, I'll meet you there," Alicia acknowledged before hanging up. 

Maddie heard the click and pulled her phone from her ear, wondering what it was that had Alicia so riled. 

* * * 

Alicia was nursing a frilly drink with an umbrella in a U-shaped end booth when Maddie slid in next to her, signalling for another of whatever Alicia was having. 

Now that Maddie was here Alicia's mouth dried, she took another sip, trying to ignore how she had left things the last time they had met and how her body reacted to Maddie’s proximity. 

"I'm sorry for running off yesterday," she said without preamble. 

Maddie took her drink from the waitress before turning back to Alicia and nodding. 

"It was okay, I was out of bounds and I know that," Maddie acknowledged, "We can discuss that later - firstly what is it that was so important?" she asked. 

"Peter is having you watched, or Eli is more accurately. He had a picture of us from last night," Alicia spat out. 

Maddie took a long sip of what ended up being a half decent martini. 

"I suppose I should've considered it," she responded, not nearly as shocked as Alicia had expected her to be. 

Alicia looked at her wordlessly for a moment before responding, "How can you be so casual about it? How are you not enraged at the breach of privacy?" 

"Even before I was running for public office I was somewhat of a public figure, loosing bits of your privacy is something I've grown used to," she replied frankly, putting her drink down and leaning forward, "I am more concerned that you were caught up in this," she added, looking at Alicia intently. 

Alicia met her gaze, feeling the warmth residing there as she fell into it briefly before pulling her gaze away. She shifted the cup in her hand. 

"What did Peter say?" Maddie asked, still watching Alicia intently. 

"He was grateful it was his side and not yours," she replied ruefully, "I made him get out of the car," she added, a smile crossing her lips at the thought. She sipped at her straw. 

Maddie smiled at the thought, "did he?" 

Alicia swallowed, "Of course he did," she pronounced with some pride, looking up again. 

"Peter Florrick - fighting for Illinois - unless his wife says otherwise," Maddie intoned, before joining Alicia in laughter. 

"You should use that in your ad campaign," Alicia joked.

"I think that might raise more questions than it's worth really," Maddie replied jovially before she realised the seriousness of the statement. Despite all justification they both knew they were treading a very fine line. 

Silence descended for a moment and Maddie shifted in her seat.

"Alicia," she began, her eyebrows furrowed as she fiddled with her straw in her hand, unable to meet Alicia's eyes, "I wanted to apologise," she continued, forcing herself to meet Alicia's gaze, "I... overstepped my bounds last night and made you feel uncomfortable. I don't want you to be uncomfortable," she rushed out, averting her eyes again, picking up her drink and hurriedly taking a sip. 

"Maddie," Alicia started, reaching out for her hand. She brushed her fingers against Maddie's, left them there as if it had been a casual gesture and waited for Maddie to look at her again, "You don't need to apologise," Alicia confirmed, her fingers itching at the contact with Maddie's, she slid them up, covering Maddie's hand and squeezing before withdrawing. 

As soon as Alicia's hand had withdrawn Maddie pulled hers off the table and held them in her lap, watching them as she cleared her throat. 

"I do... need to apologise," she began, the agitation clear in her voice, "I can't do this with you," she explained, looking up momentarily before averting her gaze again, "I...I want something more than I can ask of you," Maddie explained, pausing briefly before taking money out of her purse and putting it on the table. She stood, slinging her pocketbook over her shoulder. "I'm very sorry Alicia," she finished, connecting with Alicia's shocked gaze before turning from the table and heading for the door. 

Alicia watched her, feeling the ripples of her admission radiate through her as she stared on uselessly. She snapped back into action with a start, grabbing her purse and following her out the door, not sure of anything other than the fact she didn't want Maddie to be out of her life.

"Maddie," she yelled when she got on the street, jogging to meet her as quickly as she could on heels as her stomach knotted, unsure what she was going to say when she caught up with her. 

Maddie had opened the door to her car but looked up when Alicia called and allowed the other woman to catch up. 

"Don't make me say it again Alicia, I'm not sure I can," Maddie preempted before Alicia could speak, her voice catching in her throat. 

"Do you trust your driver?" was Alicia's response. 

Maddie looked through the car to where her driver was sitting and then back to Alicia, "Yes."

"Then get in," Alicia instructed, her voice still shaky despite the fact her breathing had regulated. 

Maddie did as requested and slid into the car, watching as Alicia looked around and then slid in beside her. She told the driver to head to Alicia's house but Alicia corrected her and asked to bring them back to Maddie's. "He can bring me home after," Alicia pointed out, her eyes never leaving Maddie's. 

Maddie pulled her eyes away to nod to the driver, the car pulling out of traffic and the privacy glass sliding back in place as she returned her attention to Alicia.

"I know I shouldn't have run off last night," Alicia began, forcing herself to maintain eye contact, "But I was scared. Not of you but of me...," she took a breath, trying to gather her thoughts. 

"Alicia, please don't," Maddie unintentionally interrupted, moving to the opposite seat to distance herself, "I have come to terms with not seeing you again, but I can't bear you trying to make me feel better..." 

Alicia watched Maddie, overly aware of the woman's venerability. Her heart ached at the sight of it and she grasped for something, anything she could say to relieve the pain Maddie was feeling, but nothing she could think of relayed what she needed to convey. Her eyes fell to Maddie's lips, the memory of her dream making her own tingle at the thought. 

Maddie felt Alicia's lips like a blinding light that shorted out all thought. They were gone in a moment and Maddie was staring into Alicia's hesitant eyes, feeling the touch of her hand on her cheek. 

They stayed like that for a moment, Alicia perched awkwardly, balancing in the moving vehicle. 

"Oh," Maddie finally uttered. 

Alicia bit her bottom lip, "Yea," she responded, electricity shooting through her body as their contact nearly made her forget herself entirely, desperate to let herself feel.

The car jolted and Alicia nearly fell but instead made her way with reasonable grace to be seated next to Maddie. Maddie had caught Alicia’s upper arm impulsively in an effort to steady her and now trailed her fingers past the elbow, resting them just above Alicia's wrist, anxious to maintain contact. 

Alicia took Maddie's other hand in her own, holding it before letting her fingers trail aimlessly back and forth over Maddie's wrist as the two women stared at each other hesitantly. 

Maddie's eyes fell to Alicia's lips, feeling the pull of her own desire. 

"Can we do that again?" she whispered, not aware she had said what she was thinking until Alicia responded with a breathy 'Yes.'

Alicia's eyes fell closed as Maddie leaned over and kissed her, softly at first, as if she would disappear at any moment, but then harder, Maddie manoeuvring on the seat and kneeling next to Alicia. Alicia turned in the seat, pulling Maddie closer as she leaned back, Maddie's body pressing against her and creating warm sparks at every point of contact. She opened her mouth to Maddie's tongue; her body flooding with warmth as it slowly explored the inside of her mouth. She felt Maddie's hands on her through the fabric, wishing that she had worn something that more easily exposed her skin as it burned to be touched. 

The car slowed and the women froze. Maddie looked out the window to find the gate and the trailing drive before her house. 

"Shit," she swore under her breath, extricating herself from Alicia before meeting her eyes again. The wanton gaze cast in her direction made Maddie’s breath hitch, her insides twisting with want. 

"Come inside," Maddie begged as the car came to a stop outside the front door. 

Alicia could only nod, her head swimming in its own intoxication. She flattened her dress and ran her fingers through her hair before Maddie opened the door and explained to the driver that she was going to stay a while. She followed Maddie to the door and after what seemed like ages of Maddie fiddling with the door keys she ushered Alicia into her house, assuring her that no one else was home. 

They stared at each other for a moment, standing so close they could hear the other's breath. 

"For the record," Alicia said breathily, her whole body vibrating with Maddie's proximity, "this is a bad idea." Even though she said the words and knew they were true she didn't feel them, couldn't comprehend what she meant beyond the vaguest of implications. 

"Noted," Maddie replied softly, unable to process anything beyond her want and Alicia's nearness. She held Alicia's gaze, leaning forward until their lips were centimetres apart, looking up at Alicia for permission as Alicia herself closed to remaining gap. 

Hands found perches on hips, necks, tangled in hair as the kiss deepened. Maddie took a step back to brace herself against the door, pulling Alicia closer.

Alicia felt the press of Maddie's body against hers and pushed herself even closer, wedging her leg between Maddie's.

Maddie pulled away, desperate to catch her breath, and watched Alicia do the same; her disheveled hair and kiss-swollen lips making Maddie's body ignite all the more. 

Alicia searched Maddie's eyes, trying to read her yet-unspoken thought. 

"I should at least have the decency to bring you upstairs," Maddie finally uttered, her own eyes heady with need as they stared back into Alicia's.

Alicia nodded, removing her hands from Maddie's shoulders. Maddie took Alicia’s hand and led her to the stairwell, up the stairs, and to her room as Alicia gawked at the space within. 

Maddie shut the door behind them and when they kissed again it was full of hunger, mouths meshing and exploring as each touch fuelled their desire. 

Maddie slowly backed Alicia in to the bed as Alicia's hands found the edge of Maddie's pants, untucking her undershirt and spreading her fingers against warm skin. 

Maddie's hand slid uselessly against the fabric of Alicia's dress until she found the zip in the back. She pulled it down, brushing her knuckles against the skin within. 

Alicia broke the kiss, hitching up her dress and sliding it over her head before starting on the bottom buttons of Maddie's shirt. 

Maddie started on the top buttons, desperate for the feel of Alicia's bare skin against her own. 

Shirt and undershirt off Maddie started to undo her pants, stopping Alicia as she started to pull down her own thigh-high nylons. 

Alicia froze and Maddie abandoned her own pants and fell to her knees in front of Alicia, slowly easing down her right stocking and laying kisses in the path of her hands, inner thigh, mid thigh, knee, brushing her fingertip across the back of her knee before kissing her upper calf, the side of her mid calf and then the middle of her foot. 

Alicia leaned back on the bed for support, the tender touches sending jolts to her centre as she bit her lip to keep from shivering with need. 

Maddie divested her left stocking similarly before standing up again. 

Alicia sat on the bed, pulling Maddie towards her in another kiss as she made her way more fully on the bed. Maddie climbed on to the bed, knees either side of Alicia's body as her lips travelled from Alicia's to her jaw, tasting her neck before making her way to her collarbone. She kissed her way across it, Alicia squirming beneath her, as Maddie pulled away Alicia’s bra strap to reveal the rounded top of her breast. She traced her fingers across the top of it before pulling the bra down, looking upward at Alicia with a smile as she saw Alicia gazing down on her, biting her bottom lip. She took Alicia's nipple in her mouth, sucking softly as she watched Alicia's eyes close. 

Alicia felt Maddie's mouth on her nipple, a moan escaping at the desire it flared, shooting through her and centring between her legs. She pulled Maddie's head back to her lips, sliding her hands along Maddie’ ribs and to her bra fasten, fiddling with it uselessly. 

Maddie pulled away, reaching back her own hand and smiling. "It's reversed," she commented with a smirk, keeping her eyes locked on Alicia. 

"Right," Alicia noted, colouring slightly, "You'll excuse me my lack of experience," she intoned raising her eyebrows slightly. 

"Of course," Maddie responded gallantly, throwing her own bra to the floor as she leaned in for another kiss, following Alicia's hand as it manoeuvred behind her back and reaching the clasp before Alicia's own hands, undoing it and pulling aside the strap. 

Alicia broke the kiss, "Show off," she teased, allowing Maddie to pull the bra off her remaining shoulder and toss it on the floor. 

Maddie got up on her knees again, braced on either side of Alicia's thighs, and slid her own pants down. Alicia's hands were eager to help and the touch of them against her thighs made Maddie's legs momentarily weak. She threw her pants on the floor and sidled back up to Alicia, sliding her knee between Alicia's legs with measured precision as she took her lips in her mouth again, never tiring of the taste or the way Alicia's mouth responded to her own. 

Alicia groaned into Maddie's mouth as Maddie pushed her knee a bit harder than intended, feeling the dampness through Alicia's panties. 

Alicia released Maddie's lips to growl her discontent into Maddie's ear. Maddie could feel the vibrations in Alicia's throat as she heard the message, "Stop being such a tease."

Maddie smiled, a hint of devilry in her eyes, as she placed just enough pressure between Alicia's legs before pulling her knee away, "You mean like that?"

Alicia squirmed beneath her, trying to keep the contact, "Yes!" she shouted.

"I suppose I might be able to do something about that," she responded, leaning over and kissing a path from Alicia's breasts, past her stomach and to the edge of her panties. She edged her finger at the hem, bringing it across Alicia's skin back and forth, slowly pulling the panties lower. 

"God Maddie please," she begged, her body strung out and tense, desperately needing the release taunting before her. 

Maddie pulled Alicia's panties off, discarding them in the pile on the floor before making her way back to Alicia, propping herself up on her arms as their legs meshed dangerously. 

"I didn't think you believed in God," Maddie pointed out, enjoying the sight of Alicia before her, completely naked and wanting. 

Maddie felt Alicia pushing against her knee and removed it from temptation, "I don't think so," she tutted, moving to kiss Alicia's hip bone before using her tongue to trace patterns from her hip to her upper thigh and from her upper thigh to her inner thigh. 

Alicia's breath was coming in uneven gasps as she spread her legs, feeling Maddie's breath between them. She was concentrating so hard on not coming and maintaining as much control as she could that when Maddie's lips wrapped around her clit her body ratcheted to another level of tension, pleasure mixed with desire so desperate it almost hurt. She tried to calm her breathing, suddenly scared of letting herself go like this, pleading and naked beneath Maddie Hayward but she couldn't stop her body as it rocked into Maddie's mouth. 

Maddie's tongue tasted her before sucking again, conscious that too much pressure would set her off prematurely as she groaned with need beneath her. She looked up at Alicia for a moment, the look of agony on her face exquisite, and realised that Alicia was too close for her to take the long was about this. She needed release. Maddie slid two fingers in easily before pulling out and adding a third. 

Alicia pushed hard against Maddie's fingers, panting with the effort as Maddie positioned her mouth, taking Alicia's clit in her lips once again. She sucked, curving her fingers at the same time, and Alicia covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the litany of swears she was spouting. 

The release, when it came, shot through Alicia like infinite blackness, nothing existed but her body and those fingers, pushing into her again and again as the darkness grew blindingly bright and she came back to consciousness to her own high-pitched squeal before her body fell slack across the bed. 

Alicia opened her eyes to see Maddie lying beside her, her head propped on her hand. 

"Been a while?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"You could say that," Alicia admitted, feeling the aftershocks as they scattered sparks across her skin. 

She closed her eyes, lifting her arm and tracing it past Maddie's hip and up her side before bringing it back down, feeling Maddie shiver at the touch. 

She opened her eyes and moved to her side, facing Maddie, propping herself up and using her free hand to stroke the edge of Maddie's cheek. She smiled, pulling them together for a soft lingering kiss. 

She could taste herself on Maddie's lips and the implication shot through her, reigniting her desire as Maddie pulled her closer, her hunger evident. 

Her hands traced the curves of Maddie's back, skin soft beneath her fingers, before touching her shoulder blade, shoulder, down her arm and then back to her cheek. She broke the kiss, looking at Maddie intently. 

"I'm not any good..." Alicia sputtered in attempted explanation. 

Maddie looked at her without comprehension for a moment before realising what she was referring to. 

"You don’t have to,” she replied softly. 

“I want to,” Alicia answered earnestly, her eyes flicking between Maddie’s, wanting to answer the desire within them. 

“Then just do what feels right,” Maddie answered, taking Alicia's hand, kissing her palm and pulling it to her chest. 

Alicia tangled her free hand in Maddie's hair, pulling her into another kiss as her other hand moved from Maddie's chest to explore her body. She took in the texture of it, traced the curves, felt the joints, before tracing a line up every finger to the tip and back down to the next. When she had completed this circuit she pulled away from the kiss and brought Maddie's hand to her mouth, kissing each finger before drawing them slowly into her mouth.

Alicia's touch had left Maddie's skin tingling, sparks localised at the sensitive parts of her elbow, behind her ear, the tips of her fingers. As Alicia took her fingers in her mouth Maddie watched transfixed, feeling the heat centre between her thighs. She tried to calm herself, knowing she couldn't rush Alicia, and took a deep breath, exhaling louder than she meant. 

Alicia paused, concern written on her face. 

"It's okay, I'm just... well... wet," Maddie admitted, looking intently at Alicia, carelessly allowing herself to fall into her eyes. The impact of Alicia's eyes, concern and desire, made her body react all the more and she closed her eyes, forcing herself to relax. 

When she opened her eyes again Alicia's mouth was against her stomach, kissing her hip, her thigh. 

"Come back," Maddie asked, still finding it hard to breathe, "I want to see you," she added. 

Alicia complied, sidling back beside Maddie as her hand continued the path her lips had started, brushing the outside of Maddie's thigh and hip before her fingers found the wetness between Maddie's thighs. 

The very thought that she had caused this made her own body react and her breath caught, understanding the depth of the desire she could read in Maddie's eyes. 

Maddie felt Alicia's fingers, tentative at first, Alicia adjusting her actions by reading Maddie's response. Alicia's fingers felt so good against her, satiating the first layer of her want while building the deeper need, every touch driving her closer to the edge. 

Maddie was about to beg when she felt Alicia's fingers inside her, two and then three as her body pushed them deeper. Alicia shifted, pulling her hand out before her fingers returned, four filling her with an edge of sweet agony as Alicia began a slow rhythm Maddie could do nothing but obey. 

Maddie tried to keep her eyes open but they kept falling shut. She forced them open, watching Alicia's concentration as her body tried to force her hand to move faster. 

Alicia looked up, seeing the desperation in Maddie's face and sped up, her thumb brushing against Maddie's need as a whimper escaped from Maddie's throat. 

"Look at me," Alicia commanded, needing to see Maddie unravel before her. 

Maddie's eyes snapped to hers, a thin sheen of sweat evidence of her exertions. 

Alicia sped up again, pushing her palm Maddie's need as Maddie's body rocked against her harder, Maddie's eyes falling closed. 

Alicia grabbed Maddie's face with her free hand, lining it up with her own and holding it steady. 

"Look at me," she commanded again.

Maddie forced her eyes open; her face scrunching as she fought against the need to just feel. 

Maddie tried to keep her eyes on Alicia’s face as Alicia’s hand held her jaw firmly into place, but her body was overcome by the sensation of Alicia's other hand, knuckle deep inside her, pressing against her clit with just shy of too much pressure. She felt her body tense, harder and harder as Alicia kept pace.

She held on to Alicia's eyes, reading the concentration and desire held within, but then her eyes closed, her body stopped and she felt the orgasm blast through her, throwing her into freefall, Alicia's image burned behind her eyelids. 

When she came back to her senses Alicia was propped up beside her, her four fingers still anchored inside her as she pulsed around them. Alicia drew them out carefully and Maddie watched them glisten before Alicia rolled over, grabbed a tissue and wiped off the excess before returning to Maddie. 

"Wow," slipped past Maddie's lips as her breathing stabilised. 

"Wow?" Alicia repeated as a question. 

"Wow," Maddie repeated, bring up her hand to brush Alicia's cheek. 

Alicia leaned over and kissed her before lying on her chest, enjoying the warmth of the contact and trying to keep the memory alive as her brain began to berate her for her actions, noting all the possible repercussions. 

Maddie stroked Alicia's hair. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. 

Alicia took her head off Maddie's chest and nodded but the smile didn't reach her eyes. 

"You're thinking," Maddie recognised. 

Alicia nodded again, slower.

"About?" she prompted. 

Alicia hesitated. 

"I can't be here," she mouthed softly the conflict evident on her face. She sat up in bed with the sheets draped around her, the moon throwing her shadow across Maddie's body.

Maddie leaned forward and took Alicia's chin, pulling her into a brief kiss. 

"You can leave if you want to," Maddie began, her voice soft, almost a whisper as she tried to calm Alicia's fears, "I do not know the last person who made me feel even remotely the way I feel with you right now..." she paused, her eyes searching Alicia's. "But if you need to pretend this never happened we can do that," she brushed a stray hair from Alicia's face, "I will do that for you," she proclaimed, her hand still on Alicia's chin. 

Alicia's eyes watered because she could read the truth of Maddie's statements in her eyes. 

"I don't regret this," Alicia affirmed as the conflict broiled within her, "but I do have to go."

Maddie nodded, pulling away. She watched as Alicia gathered her clothes and put them back on. She got up, pulling on her robe, and walked Alicia downstairs.

"Let me get my driver," Maddie offered, about to detour to the landline. 

Alicia put her hand on Maddie's arm, "I'd rather get home on my own," she said evenly. 

Maddie nodded, the front Alicia was throwing up chilling her. Alicia turned toward and door and her hand slid from Maddie's arm. She left without looking back. 

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

The elevator deposited Alicia on to her floor and yet it felt foreign, as if she was seeing everything through new eyes. She opened her front door, taken aback when the television was on and Zach and Nisa lying on the couch, having obviously just shifted positions. 

"What are you doing?" she asked, the shock making her statement more forceful then she had anticipated. 

Zach jumped up, "Nisa came over after school...I hadn't realised how late it was," he tried to explain. 

Alicia turned to Nisa, her tone softer but still firm, "Do you need a taxi?"

Nisa shook her head; her car was parked outside their building. She said goodbye to Zach and left. 

When the door shut Alicia turned to Zach, "Homework-only computer for a week," she stated simply, "You do it again and you won't ever be having anyone over."

Zach made to respond but Alicia held up her hand to silence him, "This is not a conversation," she stated, turning from him and checking in on Grace before making her way to her own bedroom. 

She shut the door behind her and undressed but the action only brought back the thought of Maddie's fingers on her body. She pushed the thought away as she put the clothes in the hamper, hoping the act would be significant enough, but the memory lingered. She willed it to embed in her memory as she tried again and again to force it from herself, unsure how to proceed. She pulled on her pajamas, heading to the sink to brush her teeth as her thoughts ran wild. 

Maddie had changed her. She felt as if she had found a piece of herself, as if Maddie had exposed a layer of her self that Alicia hadn't even known existed. She felt new in a very odd way. It was disorienting and making what she had to do all the more difficult - because forgetting about it was surely the only option. But how could she? And how could she face Peter and her kids if she didn't? 

It wasn't just as if she had an affair, she had done that with Will. But Will hadn't been like this, Will had been about self-fulfilment. Maddie, on the other hand, touched something within her she couldn't shake. But if she didn't let it go she _would_ be having an affair with the woman who was running against Peter for Governor. 

She tried to get that to sink in but she couldn't distance Maddie from who she was to her. 

Alicia slid in to bed, holding the covers at her face and realising that her hand still smelled faintly of Maddie. 

* * * 

As the door shut behind Alicia, Maddie could feel the emptiness of the house widen and echo around her. She made her way back to her bedroom, readied herself for bed and slid back between the sheets. She closed her eyes, focusing on the way Alicia's eyes had burned into her with desire, trying to hold on to the memory with the hope it would allow her to sleep. But try as she might she couldn't help but agonise over Alicia's sudden coldness. Despite trying to calm her own fears with whatever logic she could grasp, her brain was stuck in a loop of memory, replaying Alicia's face as she made to leave and her body language as she left the house. 

She took a deep breath and threw off her covers, wrapping her robe around her and heading to her study - hopeful that she could find something else to hold her attention through the wakeful hours. 

* * *  
Alicia sat at the island in her kitchen, conscious of Zach making his lunch behind her without acknowledging her presence. She turned the page on the case file before her, trying to focus on the task at hand, when her phone rang. 

It was Kalinda. 

"Can we meet?" Kalinda asked without preamble. 

"Hi Kalinda," Alicia replied, "is everything okay?” she asked, concerned by Kalinda's tone of voice. 

"I need to speak to you," she reiterated, "Meet you by the lake in half an hour?"

Alicia agreed, hanging up her phone, closing her file, notifying her oblivious son and heading out the door. 

* * *  
The wind was less blustery than the previous day but the lakeside was still empty. She watched Kalinda for a moment, sitting on the wall by the lake, looking out over the ocean, and felt like she was seeing her truly for the first time. She was in her element here, a peace to her posture Alicia had never seen. 

"It's almost like you belong here," Alicia commented, seating herself next to Kalinda and pulling her bag off her shoulder. 

Kalinda kept her eyes focused ahead, staring toward the distant shore, "I hadn't told anyone about this place before." 

"Well thank you," Alicia said, taking Kalinda's hand as if to share some of the warmth she was feeling. 

Kalinda cleared her throat and pulled her hand away, dropping a file on Alicia's lap. 

Alicia opened it, flipping through the first few pages before finding pictures of Maddie with Indira Starr. She looked up at Kalinda. 

"You checked into her," Alicia said, her heart catching in her throat, wondering what else she found. 

Kalinda shrugged, "I wanted to make sure she was being truthful to you."

"And.."

Kalinda shook her head, taking the file from Alicia's lap. 

"There are a few things I found but the one that worried me most is this," she pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to the third line down, "It's Maddie, speaking to someone on a wire tap." 

Alicia read the passage, the context difficult to understand with the redactions, before she came to:

MH: Don't worry, I have an inside source within the Florrick campaign. 

She skimmed the following lines but nothing explained the statement. 

She looked up at Kalinda. "Me?"

Kalinda nodded, "That is what I assume she meant." 

Alicia pulled out her phone, her body shaking with anger. Kalinda took Alicia's phone from her hand and put her own phone in its place. 

"Better for me to be calling her... of course if she's tapped it won't matter," she cautioned. 

Alicia nodded, dialling Maddie's number without hesitation. 

"Hello?" came the familiar voice. 

"Maddie, it's Alicia." 

"Alicia, good," Maddie replied, "We need to talk," she added, her tone both anxious an ominous.

"Yes we do, where?"

"Better you don't know, I'll have my driver pick you from outside the library," Maddie replied. 

Alicia agreed and hung up, passing her phone back to Kalinda. 

"I'm coming with you," she insisted. 

Alicia shook her head, "She isn't going to hurt me, although this is become far too cloak and dagger for my liking," she sighed. 

"Be safe," Kalinda offered as Alicia shifted her bag back on to her shoulder and stood up. 

"I will, and thank you," Alicia replied, warmth radiating from her eyes. 

Kalinda nodded and Alicia turned and left the park. 

* * * 

An hour later Alicia found herself inside an unremarkable fifth floor apartment owned by Maddie's driver. 

"Thank you Bruce," Maddie offered when he brought Alicia in. 

Maddie was seated on Bruce's couch, leaning on one end with her legs curled under her. She sat up straight when Alicia arrived, offering her the opposite chair as Bruce disappeared into another room. Alicia sat, watching Bruce leave before turning to Maddie as soon as he was out of earshot. 

"Why did you lie to me?" Alicia blurted out. 

"What?" Maddie asked, true surprise painting her face. 

"You have a source in the Florrick campaign?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even as the anger boiled just below the surface, "Is that what this is all about? Did you fuck me so I would betray my husband for you?" Alicia fumed. 

Maddie's face fell and she averted her eyes for a moment before meeting Alicia's eyes again. "It's not you," she stated softly. 

Alicia sat open-mouthed, her anger ebbing. 

"Who is it then?” she asked, the disbelief evident in her voice. 

"It's Jordan," Maddie admitted, the shame clearly written on her face, "I hired Jordan to join the Florrick campaign and spy for me."

She watched Alicia's face contort, trying to decide whether to believe her. 

"I fired him before I invited you to dinner," she explained, "I couldn't stomach betraying you." 

"You seemed to have stomached it well enough," Alicia bit back. 

Maddie got off the couch and sat on the footstool in front of Alicia's chair. 

"Alicia, I will give you any proof you require - I swear to you, I am not hiding anything else."

"Give me your phone," Alicia commanded. 

Maddie took out her phone and put it into Alicia's hands, giving over the lock code without question. 

Alicia called Kalinda, told her the story and asked her to check into Jordan's financials. 

Kalinda was able to confirm Maddie's story, including that the last payment was a week before she had invited Alicia to dinner. 

Alicia let out a big sigh as she hung up and gave Maddie back her phone. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alicia asked, her tone fractionally softer. 

"Because I didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes,” Maddie replied honestly, “I'm not happy about what I did but I did it from a desire to win, to make this world better." 

"The ends don't always justify the means," Alicia countered. 

"I know. But we have bigger problems," she leaned back and grabbed the laptop from the table behind her, opening it and turning to a tabbed page. 

It was a trash blog but the headline story read: Governor Maddie's Mistress. Below it was a picture taken through Maddie's window, her lying on the bed and Alicia's back facing the camera. 

Alicia stared at it without comprehension, her breath frozen in her chest. She looked up at Maddie. 

"I've been there," Maddie remarked, watching Alicia's confusion, "and then cursing and then trying to explain it away. The only thing we have going for us is that they can't tell who you are." 

"But if they have that photo, how do we know they don't have others?" Alicia asked, her world mentally collapsing around her. What would she say to her kids?

"We don't," Maddie replied simply, looking forthrightly at Alicia. 

Alicia stood. "I have to call Peter," she said, bringing her phone out with shaking fingers, no longer caring if they could track her here. 

Peter answered on the second ring. 

"That photo of Maddie's mistress," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat, "Did you leak that, is that from Eli's source?"

Peter paused, hesitant to answer, "I think so," he finally replied, "It's a dirty game Alicia," he tried to justify. 

"You need to un-leak it," Alicia insisted, her voice starting to shake.

"What? Alicia don't be ridiculous."

"Peter, You Have To Get That Photo Off The Web," Alicia stated emphatically, her heart speeding up inside her chest. 

"Alicia..." Peter responded in his warning tone. 

"Peter it's me," she blurted out, wincing.

Silence. 

"Peter?"

"Oh God it is," Peter replied before she heard a dial tone. 

* * * 

Peter stared at the enlarged image on his computer, wondering how he could ever forget the pattern of freckled spots paralleling Alicia's spine, as Eli's phone rang and then went to voicemail. 

He rang again. 

"God Peter I was in the bathroom!" came Eli's voice over the phone, "Surely nothing is that important."

"We need to get that photo off the web," Peter said simply, the usual energy gone from his voice. 

"What? Why? I know it isn't perfect fodder but every bit helps," Eli replied. 

"I'm in the headquarters, get here asap," Peter instructed, hanging up the phone and opening his bottom drawer. Within was a bottle of Whiskey he had received when he started his campaign. He opened it now, decanting a substantial portion into a glass and downing it. 

He wasn't sure which part of the betrayal hurt more but it didn't matter. He had a fire to put out or he was going to lose what he had worked so hard to achieve. 

* * * 

"Peter is on it," Alicia told Maddie as she hung up the phone. 

"Let's just hope there aren't any others."

Alicia looked up, realising that Maddie had already been exposed even if she herself hadn't been. 

"How are you going to counter it if it does get picked up?" Alicia asked softly, sitting back in her seat. 

"I am who I am," Maddie replied pragmatically, "If the voters don't like it then I'll lose but I won't lose for hiding."

Alicia nodded. 

"I should go," she remarked. 

Maddie nodded. "We need to talk about this sometime," Maddie reminded her. 

"Not today," Alicia replied, unsure she could iterate even if she did know what she needed to say. 

Maddie nodded again, summoning Bruce to bring Alicia back in to town. 

* * * 

Alicia opened the door to her flat with trepidation, knowing what she had to do. 

Zach and Grace were on the couch watching television. It was a rare sight and she watched them in the television's reflection, trying to remember this moment of peace before the storm she knew was coming. 

The program ended. 

"Hi mom," Grace said as she got up to grab something from the fridge. She took out the juice and poured herself a glass, while Zach grabbed his phone out of his pocket and text. 

"I need to talk to you both," she stated, her voice shaking as she went over to the chair beside the couch. 

Grace came back with her drink, concern written on her face. Even Zach looked up with what resembled his usual countenance, his anger obviously waning. 

Alicia forced herself to look at her children's faces as she spoke, each word catching in her throat. 

"I became friends with Maddie Hayward," she began. 

"And she betrayed you by running against dad, we know mom," Zach interrupted. 

Alicia folded her hands in her lap, wringing them. 

"Well I forgave her for that and we became close again," Alicia explained, worried that it all sounded like an over simplification. 

Zach opened his mouth. 

"Please let me finish," Alicia stated before continuing. 

"We realised we had... feelings... for each other," she confessed, hoping that was enough. 

They both looked at her in shock. 

"But Mom you like guys," Grace blurted out, "right?" she asked. 

Alicia raised her eyes to the ceiling, trying to blot out the tears edging her eyes. 

"Yes, but it isn't that easy," she replied, knowing it was insufficient. 

"But Maddie Hayward?" Zach summarised with contempt, "How could you do that to dad? Does he know?"

"I told your father a few hours ago," she admitted, "I didn't mean to do anything to your father and I agree that it was the wrong choice..."

"Then why did you do it?" Grace asked simply, and Alicia could tell that she had lost some respect in her daughter's eyes. 

"I don't know," Alicia responded honestly. 

"And you're after me for kissing my girlfriend," Zach spat, getting up from the couch and heading to his room, "I'm going to Dad’s."

Alicia nodded. "You can go too if you want Grace, I'll understand. I betrayed your trust and I am sorry for that." 

"Do you love her?" she asked simply. 

Alicia thought about it for a moment, trying to figure out how best to preserve Grace's respect while being completely honest. 

"I... have a connection with her that I haven't had with your father for a long time," Alicia tried to explain, "I'm not sure how to explain it but I hope someday you'll understand."

Grace looked at her with uncompromising eyes, and Alicia could see her trying to determine how she felt about it. 

Zach came out of his room with his duffel bag, "You coming?" he asked Grace. 

She looked up at him, "No, I'm going to stay here," she said simply. 

"But she betrayed dad with his competition," Zach argued, the disgust plain on his face. 

"And dad slept with prostitutes," Grace countered. 

"Fine, suit yourself," Zach countered, leaving them without a further word. 

"Thank you," Alicia offered, after the door had shut. 

"Don't. It doesn't mean I agree with what you did, or believe that dad had it coming. But I will try to understand,” Grace explained. 

"That is all I can ask," Alicia replied, wiping away the tears that wanted to make themselves known. 

Grace nodded and left, heading into her room. 

Alicia grabbed the nearest pillow and muffled her cries until her body stopped shaking with the pain of her loss. 

* * * 

"So what do you say to voters who believe this shows a loose morality?"

Maddie was sitting in her office on a live phone interview, rolling her eyes. 

"I say there is nothing illegal with what I've done and if the voters really think that either my type or frequency of sexual relations matters with the way I will run the state, even though it has had no impact with the way I run my business, then they will have the opportunity to make that choice known."

"And what about the rumour that your partner is married?" came the telephone follow-up. 

"I say that people will say anything about anyone if it makes news more interesting."

Maddie bit her lip at that, feeling the discontent slipping out of her. 

"Thank you for your time Ms Hayward," the reporter offered. 

"Thank you Tricia," Maddie responded, her voice returning to its placating tone. 

She hung up the phone before returning to her computer and looking at the numerous other calls, e-mails and other assorted interviews she had offered. If it wasn't so draining the free publicity would almost be worth it but she hardly had her head in the game. She hadn't heard from Alicia in days and she was torn between giving her space and protecting them both, and needing to be with her. But the desire to protect her was overriding no matter how much it hurt and so she plowed on with damage control. She scrolled to the bottom of her e-mails to look at the newest message. The subject was: Do you recognise this woman?. She opened it, saw that it was CCed to Peter and scrolled down, watching the images load. The first was the photo that had already been leaked with a date and time stamp: 4/14/13 12:54, the second was of Alicia, clearly identifiable, leaving Maddie's house, Maddie in the doorway in her robe. The time stamp was 4/14/13 1:09. 

"Shit." Maddie breathed as she reached for her phone. 

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Peter sat staring at the images, although he knew what Alicia had done somehow the proof made it hit home. As he stared at the photo he felt like he had been punched in the chest and realised this is how Alicia must've felt when she found out about the prostitute. Yet that had been different in that it had been purely sex. This was obviously more and he wasn't sure how to deal with that. 

He picked up his phone and dialled. 

* * * 

Maddie unlocked her phone as in rang in her hands. She answered it.

"Maddie Hayward."

"You bitch," Peter's voice was instantly recognisable. 

"I gather you got the photos."

"It doesn't matter to me if you sleep with women, and I could forgive Alicia for cheating on me after everything I put her through, but what infuriates me is how you could so cavalierly seduce her and get her in to this situation."

"Seduce her?" Maddie responded, her voice rising in annoyance at Peter's assumptions, "Get her into this situation? She has her own free will and this 'situation' will be affecting all of us," she pointed out. "I care about Alicia, I do not want this to be happening to her but what's done is done and we need to focus on how to get us all out of this mess."

"What do you suggest," Peter replied with a sarcastic bite. 

Maddie heard it but continued with the idea that had been germinating regardless. "My campaign won't survive this, I know that. Yours will take a hit but you'll survive. But you won't survive Kristeva," Maddie enumerated. 

"Not without your cash," Peter agreed, "So support me again." 

"No," Maddie replied, "not without being a part of the campaign."

"So now you want to be my Lt?" Peter asked, laughing at the preposterousness of the situation. 

"Think of it as a partial apology for my part in your wife's current situation," Maddie offered. 

"And how are we going to beat Kristeva with double the family values baggage?" Peter asked, considering the alternative. 

"Money, really good branding, and focusing on the issues," Maddie replied, "Talk it over with Eli and let me know. But if the story doesn't run then I rescind my offer."

"Agreed."

"I assume you'll tell Alicia," Maddie asked. 

"Of course," Peter replied, "I'll give you a call after I speak to Eli." 

The other end clicked. Maddie hung up her phone, staring at it for a moment as she resisted the urge to call Alicia. She had done enough damage. 

* * * 

Alicia was lying in bed when her phone rang. She begrudgingly turned over and answered it. 

"Hi Peter."

"Alicia. I have some bad news," he stated cautiously. 

"Worse than sleeping with the woman you're running against and then losing the respect of your children?" 

"Have you been drinking?" Peter asked, hearing the slight slurring of her words. 

"Yep," Alicia confirmed emphatically. 

Peter sighed, "They have a picture of you leaving Maddie's house." 

Alicia fell back into her bed, gazing up at the ceiling. 

"Are they going to run it?" She asked hopefully, sounding suddenly sober. 

"I don't know for sure but I don't see why they wouldn't," Peter replied honestly. 

"Huh," Alicia grunted. "Well you'll probably beat Maddie now," Alicia pointed out, "the sympathy vote alone..."

"Alicia that isn't the point," Peter chided. 

"What is the point then Peter?" Alicia asked, an edge of anger to her voice. 

"You are going to come under a lot of scrutiny," he warned. 

Alicia closed her eyes, remembering the press conferences, the media requests, and the paparazzi that followed Peter after the original scandal. 

"You should talk to Eli," Peter added when she didn't respond. 

Alicia nodded, her eyes still closed, "Ok." 

Silence again. 

"I'm sorry Peter," Alicia said softly. 

"I know," he replied. 

* * * 

Will was sitting hunched over his desk but looked up when Alicia entered and shut the door behind her. His brow furrowed. 

"Is everything okay?" he asked. 

Alicia's eyes painted the floor for a moment before she made her way to the seat opposite Will's desk. She stayed standing behind it, taking deep breaths. 

"I had an affair with Maddie Hayward," Alicia stated outright, those seven words allowing the rest to stream, "and I'm telling you because I wanted you to hear it from me but also because I don't know what the publicity will do to this firm."

Will stood up and walked around his desk, wanting to comfort Alicia but aware of the glass walls. He leaned back on his desk. 

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, watching her intently as she tried to hold his gaze. 

"No," Alicia stated firmly, "I just wanted you to know."

Will nodded. "Have you told Diane?" 

"I'm heading to her office next."

He nodded again.

"Are you okay?" Alicia asked, trying to read his face. 

He took her hand for the briefest of moments, "I just wish any of this could make you happy." 

Alicia nodded in thanks before turning from Will and exiting the room. Will watched her enter Diane's office and followed the exchange in pantomime. Diane was shocked but covered it well. Alicia sat down at Diane's desk and they continued to talk. Will turned from the scene and went back to his file. 

* * * 

Alicia sat across from Eli in his office at Lockhart/Gardner. They stared at each other for a moment, Eli playing with the pencil in his hand. 

Alicia raised her eyebrows and spread her hands before her, "So what do I need to know?"

Eli put his pencil down and sat forward in his chair, folding his hands on his desk.

"Why did you do it?" he asked evenly. 

"I wanted to," Alicia responded with a sarcastic earnestness. 

"No," he corrected leaning back in his chair, "because it isn't what you say its how you say it."

"Eli, I'm a lawyer, I think I know that," she pointed out. 

"If you don't want my help why are you here?" Eli responded. 

"I do, I'm sorry, I just feel ridiculous," Alicia replied. 

"And we all know we need to manage this," Eli pointed out, "So why did you do it?"

"I don't stand by the legitimacy of my decision but as I have broken no laws, except the sanctity of my marriage, I do not believe my actions or Maddie's should be a matter of public discourse," Alicia replied with a disinterested formalism. 

"Good, but you need to relax and connect with the audience. Are you going to get back with Peter?" Eli prompted. 

"I am currently giving Peter some space and then we will discuss our relationship, although, again, what we decide has no bearing on my husband's ability to lead this state," she replied changing her tone to her court room presentation. She realised this was much like witness prep and so she tried to channel that to turn herself into the perfect witness

"Good, What about Maddie?" Eli asked, trying to prepare her with as many awkward conversations as possible. 

"What about her?" Alicia asked, her newly well-formed exterior showing a small crack. 

"Do you still have feelings for her?" 

"Whether I do or don't have feelings for Maddie Hayward has nothing to do with the way my husband, or Maddie, would run the state," Alicia countered. 

"And what about the rumours they are planning on working together?" 

"I believe that each one of them has a significant contribution to bring to the table and from that point of view such a collaboration would be advantageous but otherwise am unable to comment."

"Who would you vote for if they didn't?" 

"I have a right to not disclose my voting preferences," she paused for effect, "but it wouldn't be Kristeva."

It was a script, of this Alicia had little doubt, but it was a script mostly of her own making, one she would have to challenge again and again if she was to get through the press conference. 

It was, of course, unusual for them to put her at the podium but she had offered as a form of penance and because she was sick of hiding in the shadows, she was going to attack this head on and rebuild from there. She wasn't sure what the future held but she wasn't going to allow herself to continue hiding from it. 

* * * 

Alicia stood at the podium and waited for the lights to go on. She found herself doing what many had done in the past, holding on to the sides of the podium for dear life. She had always found the gesture annoying in others but now she understood it for what it was, an attempt to gain some sort of grounding and control of the situation. 

Her palms were sweating. 

The lights went up. 

* * * 

Maddie watched nervously as the lights went up.

A murmur went through the room. 

"I know you were expecting to see my husband but I asked him for this chance to defend myself as I don't believe that is his responsibility."

She continued with her brief intro before accepting questions, Peter behind her pointing to those she would answer. 

Maddie looked around the audience and smiled slyly. She had them. Not that Maddie was surprised; Alicia had commanded the room from the moment the lights had come up. She was radiant. Tempered anger seeped through when the questions warranted it but otherwise she remained on message while maintaining an aura of apology and honesty. It was beautiful to watch and made Maddie's repressed desire twist within her. 

The joke about Kristeva fell flat but it was better for having done so, it kept her real, relatable. 

When she was done Peter stepped in. 

"Not to waste a good press conference I also have an announcement to make."

The room noticeably quieted. 

"I called Maddie Hayward after this all broke," he began, "It was hardly a polite conversation to begin with..."

Maddie heard a few chuckles behind her.

"But what we realised is that in order to do the best for the people of Illinois what we need to work together to promote the ideals of the Democratic Party. Now Maddie and I come at those ideals from very different directions but I believe that our different views will make us stronger as a team than we were when we were as individuals. That is why I would like to announce that Maddie has agreed to run as my Lieutenant Governor. And together we will beat Kristeva." 

He gestured for Maddie to join them on stage and she got up to stand beside him as hands furiously shot up. 

* * * 

Alicia stepped back, catching her breath, the elation at her accomplishment overwhelming. 

She watched Maddie ascend the platform, forcing her lips in an even line as Maddie gave the slightest of nods in acknowledgement. Maddie stood beside Peter as he fielded the first question. 

"How do you counter Kristeva's platform of family values with this current situation proving you with a very poor example?" 

Peter paused before responding, it was a ploy Alicia occasionally recognised as him trying to add gravitas to a response. "We may not be ideal examples of family values but that does not mean we do not value our family. I would argue that because Alicia and I have had to fight to keep our family together, we are more grounded in what true family values are. Love, respect, patience and forgiveness. And by joining as my Lieutenant Maddie displays some of those values as well. She is willing to give up her solo shot for the greater good - for the family of Illinois. Next question."

"Maddie, what do you say to those who say that you only joined the Florrick campaign because you didn't think you'd survive on your own?"

Peter made a show of giving the podium to Maddie who instantly owned it, her personality filling the room. 

"At one point I would've rather left politics altogether than join with Peter but then I realised I was being an egotistical ass.”

A few chuckles ran through the room. 

“I realised that what the Democratic Party needs is togetherness, a team that stands the best chance of doing what needs to be done. And what it still needs, as I've always said, is someone who understands women’s issues to fight for them - it needs me. So maybe I'm still an egotistical ass," she joked before surveying the room for the next question, "Yes, you in the back."

The questions continued but Alicia began to fade from it, the adrenaline falling away. And then the lights went down and she was shuffled off stage and into the warm-up area. The door closed behind them and Alicia turned to see Maddie and Peter looking at her. 

"You did well," Peter got out first.

Maddie closed her mouth and agreed. 

"How do you think it went?" she asked, feeling their eyes on her. 

"We'll know more tomorrow," Peter counselled. 

Alicia nodded, her eyes resting on Maddie as Peter faded into the background. 

* * * 

Peter watched the look exchanged between the women before him. The tension in the room increased ever so subtly and he suddenly felt as if he was invading a very personal moment. 

He excused himself, shutting the door behind him, unsure if either of them had even noticed. 

There was something there then, something he hadn't wanted to acknowledge. He forced a deep breath as his lungs struggled as if he had been hit in the chest. Through it all he had always believed they would eventually get back together - no matter how long it took - but the intensity in her gaze when she looked at Maddie had blown him away and forced him to reassess their future. 

It seemed so sad that the campaign that had brought them together again was going to rip them apart more violently than before. But maybe, just maybe, he was overanalysing the situation. Either way he wasn't going to give up. 

* * * 

Alicia reached out her hand as soon as her husband left, eager for the simple contact. Maddie took it and they stood there, their linked hand dangling between them. 

"I've missed you," Maddie stated simply. 

"I've missed you too," Alicia acknowledged, their locked gaze heightening the low-grade tingling Maddie's presence caused. 

She broke the gaze and their joined hands, moving to sit down in a chair behind them, her hands fiddling in her lap. 

"Your husband left us alone," Maddie pointed out, closing the space between them and standing right in front of Alicia, her legs touching Alicia's knees. 

Alicia nodded, looking up at her. "I'm trying not to notice," she admitted, "We don't even know if we dodged the bullet yet but all I can think of is how much I want to kiss you."

Maddie took Alicia's hands and held them firmly in her own. 

"I know the feeling," she replied, her lips cracking a smile that lit up her whole face. 

Alicia smiled back in spite of herself. 

Maddie crouched down before her, "I don't want to make any more of a mess of this than I already have but I want to try this," she admitted, giving Alicia's hands a squeeze. 

Alicia nodded. 

"After the election," she qualified. 

"Definitely," Alicia seconded, her smile falling into a frown as her brows furrowed. She looked down at their interlinked hands. "I need to divorce Peter," she said quietly, part of her sad that she had endured so much only to put it aside. But it had felt like a millstone for a long time and it was probably better for both of them not to hold on to this dying thing between them. 

Maddie nodded sombrely, "I am not going to push you into anything," she stated, "You two have been through a lot and I don't want to..."

Alicia put her finger over Maddie's lips, a thin smile appearing, "I've spent so long trying to hold my family together that I haven't stopped to realise that my kids have grown up and Peter and I are getting along much better now that we aren't together," she paused, "It seems right in a way it didn't four years ago. As for everything else," She squeezed the hand she still held, "We'll see." 

"After the election," Maddie added, her smile spreading across her face. 

Alicia laughed, "After the election," she agreed. 

* * *


	9. Epilogue

**SIX YEARS LATER**

Alicia woke up to a dark room and an empty bed. She rolled over. The clock read 4:28. Two minutes until her alarm. She groaned and got out of bed, wrapping her robe around her, and made her way to the study. 

She stood in the doorway to the study, watching Maddie at her laptop until the other woman looked up. 

"You're up early," Maddie commented, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"I could say the same to you," Alicia replied as she sauntered in, taking the chair opposite, "Did you even get to bed last night?" 

Maddie nodded, "Meeting ran over. I've had a few hours but this drought is giving me a major headache. Nothing worse than irate farmers," Maddie quipped, taking another sip, "You'd think the second term would be easier somehow." 

"When is Peter back?" Alicia asked. 

"He's still planning on being back for tomorrow to visit the postgrad programs with Grace," Maddie replied, "Oh, and I heard from Zach. He won't be making it back from MIT this weekend."

Alicia raised her eyebrows. 

"He wasn't calling to tell me that, he was calling about the internships in a company I part-own," Maddie clarified. 

Alicia nodded. "Nice to have a rich step-mom," she offered as she stood up, making her way around the desk to lean against the drawer next to Maddie. She took the cup from Maddie's hand, enjoyed the warmth and smell of it before taking a sip. 

"Hey, go make your own," Maddie teased.

Alicia swallowed the coffee, "According to the state of Illinois I own half of all your coffee for the past three years, I'm just taking my occasional privilege," Alicia countered with a smile before giving it back. 

"Touché," Maddie responded with a sarcastic evenness, "Now go make your own." 

"Will do," Alicia confirmed, leaning over to kiss Maddie. It was a brief meeting of their lips, the kind that happened frequently, and yet each kiss had the ghost of their first, a brief spark Alicia never tired of. 

* * * 

Alicia made her way downstairs. She had moved out of her apartment when Grace went to college but Maddie's mansion had always seemed foreign to her and so, as a wedding present, Maddie built them a house on the outskirts of Chicago. It was bigger than the house she had lived in with Peter but only in that Maddie insisted upon the indoor swimming pool, which sat in an atrium adjoining their reasonable-sized lawn, and an office for both of them. Alicia hadn't argued against either although, in retrospect, it would've been prudent to isolate their respective studies as they had a tendency to talk to each other through the walls. 

The coffee was still warm and Alicia poured herself a mug, chafing it in her hands as her feet enjoyed the underfloor heating. She had originally decried underfloor heating as an unnecessary expense but it was now one of her favourite things about the house. 

She took her coffee back upstairs, forcing herself past Maddie's door without a word, and entered her own study, clicking on the desk lamp. 

Seating herself in the dark brown leather chair behind her desk she placed her coffee down and opened the top file. Her eye fell upon the letterhead they had decided was actually too stylised after they had paid the printer - Florrick & Agos - the F and the A curling together. 

Soon after she had decided to divorce Peter she realised the only thing she still regretted was not heading out on her own - at the time she had needed the security but with everything turned on its head she reassessed what she really wanted for herself. 

She had spoken to Cary, telling him to hang tight, and began to save. When Maddie found out what she was planning she tried to front Alicia the money but she refused, giving in only when they were engaged. 

Alicia used her savings to pay Peter back the money he had fronted for her to become partner at Lockhart/Gardner and then used the money Maddie had given her, with Cary's contribution, to start their own firm. 

The first couple of years had been hard; particularly as Lockhart/Garner was not pleased to lose both of them and Kalinda at the same time, but they had patched what bridges they could and now were starting to make a profit. She was two months away from paying Maddie back, not that Maddie ever asked or even wanted it back. 

Even when things were hardest she knew all the agony was worth it because this was hers, it was something she had created. And despite the rockiness of the road she had traveled she now had a career where she owned her own path, two children who were doing very well for themselves, an ex-husband she was on very good terms with and a wife she loved. She had finally achieved a life that felt like her own. 

The phone rang, "Hi Cary," she answered, listening to her business partner carefully, a smile forming across her face, it was going to be a good day.

* * *


End file.
